It was my dad's birthday a few days ago and I think I can say that the two minutes I was on the phone with him was probably the most awkward two minutes that I've had with anyone on the phone this year.
I had purposely waited until around 10pm that day to make that call and that was because I was trying to think of something real nice to say to him all day and not just the usual "happy birthday" like we normally say.
Some of you might be wondering if maybe my relationship with my dad isn't that great, maybe that was why I was struggling. Well, that wasn't the case, we do have a really good relationship and we do speak every now and then, we've just never been a "in my feelings" kinda family, so whenever something happens that naturally would require any of us to be sweet and say nice emotional stuff to the other person, we find it very difficult to do that.
And if you ask me why, I honestly would put the blame on my father because he has always been that way and he trained us that way, so it's just tough love for everyone. I didn't use to have a problem with it because we rarely have occasions that do require us to be in our feelings, and this is because we don't celebrate stuff here, from birthdays even down to my parents wedding anniversary.
But then I lost my mom and I realized how important moments like this are because we never know what birthday could be our last, so I always try to at least call and be super friendly or nice to anyone whose birthday it is, and that was what I tried to do with my dad but it just didn't work out.
I ended up just saying the usual "Happy birthday to you dad" and he too must have felt the awkwardness because we both changed the topic quick.
Honestly, I seriously hope and pray that my kids and I don't have this kind of relationship (the tough love thing) because it's really not a good one. I love my dad and I know he knows that, but I also would love to tell him how much I love him every now and then without having to feel like I'm breaking some sacred rule about not being affectionate or whatever.
That sucks, although I feel like that was exactly how he too was trained while growing up, because I knew my granddad and he wasn't exectly any different.
I think rather than trying to wait, you could call him exact time and wish him. It would not be awkward for you. Feeling doesn't come forcefully. It must come naturally.
I didn't wait because I wanted to, I waited because I literally couldn't find the right words to say.