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Actively participating in your children's lives is the dream of many parents and even though life is very busy, with many things to do, such as studying, working and seeking a better life for yourself and your family, this participation may not always be the way we want it to be. Maybe being too involved is complicated, because it becomes physically impossible, and besides being in the know about everything, it can make our children think that we are getting involved in everything and, on the other hand, leaving them alone without worrying about anything is also dangerous.
The big secret, like everything in life, is the balance between moments, being in the know about what is happening and letting them fly to discover everything that exists in this big world. I believe that to be a good father you need to know the exact time to say yes and no, not everything needs to be done and not everything needs to be denied, that is the big and difficult secret of everything. Of course, talking to them a lot is a good option, whenever possible, it is good to sit down and look at their faces and share all the experiences we have with them.
I usually do this on Saturday, since it is the day when I have the most time to talk to them, it is the day when they can tell me how their week was, if something bad happened and what good happened. I think having this conversation is important for them and for me. Leaving your children alone without worrying about anything is one of the worst things we can do, after all, there is a saying that if parents don't educate, life will educate and life is not a very patient teacher with mistakes.
UnsplashSo, I let my children live, but I also always keep an eye on them. Sometimes I see them from afar, without them even noticing, just to analyze the situation and see if everything is OK. Sometimes I get closer and make sure they see me. The important thing is to have trust in them and also to explain it to them. Trust cannot be bought, it is earned. With each attitude and action taken, this level of trust increases or decreases. In fact, talking about trust is something I do constantly with them. After all, knowing who you can really trust is a lifelong lesson.
As a freedom lover, I want to have freedom for myself and my children, so I try not to be too intrusive in their affairs, not to be completely protective so that they can make the effort to try to overcome their challenges on their own. For example, when they ask me to help with schoolwork, sometimes my children read the question and expect me to give the answer, and I say, “You need to put your mind to it, try, you need to learn.”
It may seem too harsh on them, but it's because I want to see them grow up strong and independent, with the feeling of questioning everything, of not being alienated by the bad things in the world. That they develop a curious, observant mind, that knows how to read and interpret everything, that's what I want for them. So, if I'm on top of them all the time, I believe they won't really develop. Letting them grow is a pleasure for me, but of course, keeping an eye on them and helping when necessary is also important.
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Participar ativamente da vida dos seus filhos é o sonho de muitos pais e mães e mesmo que a vida seja uma grande correria, com muitas coisas para fazer, como estudar, trabalhar e buscar uma condição de vida melhor para si e para a sua família, pode ser que essa participação nem sempre seja da forma como desejemos. Talvez participar demais seja complicado, porque se torna fisicamente impossível, além de que está por dentro de tudo, possa fazer com que nossos filhos achem que estamos nos metendo em tudo e, na contraparte, deixá-los largados sem se preocupar com nada também é perigoso.
O grande segredo como tudo na vida é o equilíbrio entre os momentos, o de estar por dentro do que acontece e o de deixá-los voar para descobrir tudo o que existe neste grande mundo. Acredito que para ser um bom pai é preciso saber a hora exata de falar sim e não, nem tudo precisa ser feito e nem tudo precisa ser negado, esse é o grande e difícil segredo de tudo. Claro que conversar bastante com eles é uma boa opção, sempre que possível, é bom sentar e olhar em seus rostos e passar toda a experiência que temos para eles.
Costumo fazer isso no dia de sábado, sendo o dia em que tenho mais tempo para conversar com eles, é o dia em que eles podem me dizer como foi a sua semana, se aconteceu algo ruim e o que aconteceu de bom. Acho que ter essa conversa é importante para eles e para mim. Deixar os filhos largados sem se preocupar com nada é uma das piores coisas que podemos fazer, afinal, existe o ditado de que se os pais não educam, a vida educa e a vida não é uma professora muito paciente com os erros.
UnsplashEntão, deixo que meus filhos vivam, mas também estou sempre de olho. Às vezes, vejo eles de longe, sem que nem percebam, somente para analisar a situação e ver se está tudo OK, às vezes chego mais perto e faço questão de que eles me vejam. O importante nisso é ter uma confiança neles e também explicar sobre isso. Confiança não se compra, se conquista, com cada atitude e ação realizada, esse nível de confiança aumenta ou diminui. Inclusive, falar sobre a confiança é algo que faço constantemente com eles, afinal, saber em quem se pode realmente confiar é uma lição para toda a vida.
Como amante da liberdade, eu desejo ter liberdade para mim e para meus filhos, por isso tento não ser muito intrusivo nas suas coisas, não ser totalmente protetor para que assim eles se esforcem em tentar sozinhos vencer seus desafios. Um exemplo é que, quando me pedem para auxiliar nas tarefas da escola, às vezes, meus filhos leem a pergunta e esperam que eu dê a resposta e eu justamente falo: “você precisa colocar a sua cabeça para pensar, tente, você precisa aprender”.
Pode parecer muita dureza com eles, mas é porque quero vê-los crescer, fortes e independentes, com o sentimento de questionar tudo, de não serem alienados pelas coisas ruins do mundo. Que criem uma mente curiosa, observadora, que saibam ler e interpretar tudo, é isso que desejo para eles. Então, se eu ficar em cima deles o tempo todo, acredito que realmente não irão se desenvolver. Deixar eles crescerem é um prazer para mim, mas claro que ficar de olho e auxiliar quando for necessário também é importante.
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The world is a tough place, and they will learn that eventually. It's good to let them learn it some early on, but give them some shielding from the cruel world at the same time. Being a parent it the hardest job you'll ever have, being deployed to a warzone is easier. I can tell you that from experience!
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Certainly, the role of parent is one of the most difficult there is, because other lives will be there under your tutelage and you need to support them, they are children, so we are closer and always wish them well. If anything bad happens, we'll blame ourselves, so it's important to be there for them at the right times and teach them to stand up for themselves too.
I was raised by my grandmother, my mother and an aunt, I was always very focused on the house, sometimes I would just go out to play cards with my friends, and most of the time I saw the various warnings saying "be careful with what you do outside", I always had a bit of limited freedom haha
kkkk a minha mãe era da mesma forma, tipo, quase tudo o que eu ia fazer ela falava para ir com calma, ter cuidado e não fazer besteira. Acho que ela sempre me deu uma certa liberdade para as coisas, mas em alguns momentos ela me prendeu bastante também.
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