'Why do you always make me walk in the rain' he grumbles as we walk a loop - 'around the block', as we say here, though there's no strict square of streets to walk around.
'It's not' I grumble back. 'Stop focussing on the negatives'. I'm snappy - even a small bit of stress these days gets me irritable and wired. I have to walk to shift the flood of cortisol that clenches my jaw and makes the back of my neck hot and prickly. No matter how I breath, I can't shift it, though a walk will keep the worst at bay til the next flood.
He's quite for a while. I feel sorry for him - he has his own stresses too, and I'm no longer patient with his grumbles as I used to be. I'm so busy trying to see the bright side of everything that it annoys me that he can't do the same. I don't wan't to focus on the shit. The shit has happened - let's move on. Let's focus on the good. It's been a tough few years, and we're looking forward to the end of this part of our lives at the end of the year.
Meanwhile, we walk. The air is cold and our faces are numb. I love the rain on my face, as it makes me feel something other - other than what? Frustrated? Stressed? Anxious? All of the above. I can focus on the hot prickling on my face as the nerves fire against the cold and the world fades away. We have puffer jackets and scarves and beanies, so within a few minutes we'll be warmer.
He turns around to see a double rainbow, and explains it in terms of physics. 'Did you know,' he starts 'something something physics?'. I don't care about the science, but I bite my lip and pretend to be interested. I want to say: 'see? without rain you can't get rainbows' but I don't want to argue, or to be right. None of this is his fault. It's just my own irritation. I need to be alone, but sometimes you don't get that in a marriage.
The gum trees have gone blue in the rain. They stand out, beautiful and cold trunked. I don't know why they change colour. Later, I'll look up the science for it. It's because these trees have a thick outer layer of bark that can absorb water when it rains. The bark swells and expands, causing the outer layer to change color. But for now neither of us know, and are just feeling into the beauty of the path and the gums in the rain.
The photo here won't do it justice - we have left our phones behind to look at the world-screen. Even I'd snapped the blue trunks, the camera would have failed to capture the drizzle, the chill, the bacteria in the soil that produces geosmins, which creates petrichor - the fancy word for the smell of the world in the rain.
My thighs ache with cold.
Our hands reach for each other, and though they are exposed and chilled, the palms cup together warmly. This too is a marriage - the courage to reach across the divide and hold tight in the winter.
'Feeling better now?' I say.
'I am, thanks.' he says, untwinning his hand from mind and putting his arm around my shoulders. I lean in, snuffle into the dampness of his jacket.
'Me too', I say. 'me too.'
With Love,
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Great read @riverflows ππ
You are doing well π€π€ hold tight!
xoxo
We're doing fine! You know how it goes - lifes ups and downs.
Yep, I know π
It makes it a bit more excitingβ¦ as if our lives wouldnβt be already hahaha π€£
Have a great week!
!HUG
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @littlebee4.
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But sometimes you will and that is when you feel the importance of not being alone :)
I can't imagine life without him, really.
The tree is quite tall and beautiful, the tree is a cross with an existing tree. There may be new shoots. Thank you. Greetings.
This is such a beautiful read, @riverflows. I think it emphasizes the importance of oneness. So that even when you guys argue or have disagreements over things, you can unite and find peace in it when it really matters.
I think that's true. We know we always find our way back to each other in the end. It keeps us going.
These things are challenging but important. I struggle with some of those things too but itβs important to do these things together.
Yeah, you gotta work at a marriage sometimes - often! Today we drove into work together and I purposefully stayed off my phone so we ccould be in each other's company. That kinda think keeps you connected.
Yeah thatβs great. I make it a point to 98% of the time never be on my phone when my wife is with me unless Iβm taking a picture or something. I think itβs important for the real world stuff. Itβs likely something sheβs never noticed but I make sure that Iβm not tuning her out.
This is so sweet. What a lovely tribute to...well, love. <3
Haha, indeed. Love isn't always easy - we are led to believe it's all sweetness and light but it does take work to maintain a marriage. At least we BOTH work at it - I think marriages likely fail because one or the other or both don't invest in it.
such a good post I enjoyed reading it
I do like finding out the whys of some natural things the physics as you say, but not when out and enjoying them I just enjoy soaking in the views I can look up why later if I want to
Thanks for joining the Wednesday Walk :)
Yeah, sometimes I don't care at all, sometimes I wonder! But in this case it gave a little theme for the post so I enjoyed writing it.
πππ
Aw...
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Oh yeah, especially if you've been a bitch :P
So beautifully written π
It made me laugh when I read this:
I'm the same, I have a hard time caring so much about physics. Even though I know it's fascinating.