Look, let me say a few things (some of them you may not want to hear):
- This post is entirely too long. It could have been broken up into multiple posts that would have yielded the possibility to earn more. More posts = more opportunities for eyes to see them. (You need the money right?)
- I'm currently chasing a dream. I have the awareness to know that it's a long shot. I'm alright with that. I need to know that I tried to get to my goals and that I did my best. That said, I had to do sooooooooooo much that I did not want to do to get in a position where I could even attempt them. The world is a vicious place. I wasn't born lucky. I had many circumstances (including homelessness and abuse) that worked against me. I worked very hard for decades just to survive. I finally made it to where I can barely manage to chase my dreams. I work 60 hours a week, go to school full-time and have two kids. I also do research. I have zero time for myself. I know that this is the only way that chasing my dream stays alive so I persist. BUT don't think for a second I wouldn't have to put all of that on hold if I needed a place to live. You're likely going to have to think outside of art to get the money you need. If you can't do what you love, do whatever makes you the most per hour to get to a place where you can do what you love.
- You still have a long way to go as an artist. I don't mean this in a demeaning way. Everyone has to start somewhere and you have passion for this. That's key, but you also need the awareness to know that the world is about competition and there are many who exceed our current capabilities. Keep working on your craft, but don't bank on it just yet. This is fine. You're still very young, but sometimes in our youth we tend to amplify our experiences as we don't have very many of them to give us the perspective to see ourselves as others see us.
Focus on saving money, getting a sustainable/stable income, and improving your skillset for the future. The journey through art is unique. There are many paths to success, but rest assured that there are many people out there chasing the same dream, with an ever limiting marketshare available (I'm sure AI is eating some of this right now).
The world does not owe us a thing, even when we're in the worst positions. The world will not give anything for free. The world is totally unfair. However, it can be a beautiful place. Stay away from the negative thoughts. Especially the ones that may lead you to hurt yourself. I cope with this by staying busy. You can get through this, but it's probably not going to be easy or fun.
Good luck with everything.