Let the good times roll...
I used to love weekends away! A worthy reward after weeks of pouring out all my energy, giving and feeling fulfilled for living out my purpose. Here's a pic of me enjoying the view at my favourite wellness spa. Not only does it have all the picturesque sights and tranquil sounds but its on a wine farm too! :)
Oh what a good time! Relaxing, recharging, thinking, planning, refocusing. Being in nature recharges my soul. It feels like all the cob webs in my mind clear and some-how every thing I seem to have been wrestling with just falls into place perfectly like a missing puzzle piece needed to complete the picture.
It was also the place I was at when I landed the perfect job! So you can imagine my celebration! Finally! My life's purpose manifested.
*"I can take care of my loved ones, start my own family, buy my first home and travel!" *
On Monday, my contract signed, I returned to reality with stealth focus. We were four months away from the project's official start date! Four months for me to learn every thing that there was. I mean I was confident in my own knowledge and understanding - but the project's deliverables were audacious (my role was demanding) and I knew that by accepting this responsibility, I had to spend hours researching, learning and understanding from others (in this role) so that I could be the best version of myself, contribute, and help my team achieve the highest level of success there was!
Oh man, I was on fire. I was operating at levels I did not know was possible. I produced amazing results and received outstanding recognition for my work ethic. The ideas flowed and before I knew it, four months had passed.
It's all good...
You see, I worked for myself and prided myself on saving, always making provision for a rainy day and never having to ask anyone for anything. I was the person that others turned to for help - which I gave without worry because I had planned for it - and it's the right thing to do, right?
So I turned down all new work, and for four months, my partner and I lived off our savings as we worked towards month 5. I've never felt such clarity and peace in a decision!
We planned how we were going to spend, save, help our chosen family and surprise them with an all expenses paid family holiday in December! After all, when you lose the only family you have, the time you spend with your chosen family is worth more than all the money in the world!
Until it's bad!
Then... the weekend before we were due to officially start, I learned that the project had no funding!
Anyone who chooses to start working tomorrow will do so without getting paid.
Those words are the only ones that stuck! Panic ran threw me turning my insides ice cold! My mouth felt dry, the knot in my throat taking my senses hostage. I could feel the tears well up behind my eyes!
NO!!! What??? HOW???
I forgot to breath! My body started shaking! I was in full flight and fright! I checked all my accounts, frantically doing the math. I was nowhere close to fulfilling any of my financial obligations.
Rent, car, insurance, banks, electricity, food???
I was...
I reached out to the banks and explained my situation. They were kind but firm. It was transactional after all. I couldn't give them a date on when I would be paid, I could not guarantee a salary in my account, I could not pay them!
This was so new, so fresh and so cruel! I felt sad, hopeless and sorry for myself. I allowed myself to feel and quickly moved into action - action and more action!
I reached out to everyone I knew and with every "No", "Let me get back to you..." and "I'm sorry to hear this, but..." I felt myself losing faith in society, in humanity, in the greater good - questioning what my giving and kindness I showed so many people over the 4 decades of my existence was for!
The Landlord...
I dreaded having to make the call to ask the landlord for some kindness and grace. By now we were told to expect payment by the 10th of the following month with full back pay and a bonus for sticking around. So I had something convincing! In all my years of renting a property, I have NEVER had to have this conversation. So I practiced my speech, stuttered through it and surprisingly, it went well. "Sure, I understand, just pay what you can now and sort the rest out next month!"
WOW! Relief amidst the anguish and chaos! Okay, so now I pushed even harder. Asked what was outstanding and delivered more than what was required! We're going to get through this... We have to!
And so it is...
I want to say that everything improved - oh how I wish it did. Now, another month of broken promises, delays and excuses, I have still not been paid! This mountain of debt is growing and the patience and kindness of the landlord and my creditors are fading.
I have applied for more jobs than I can count - received the same energy in rejections.
I have asked so many people for jobs and jobs leads and as the deadline for the end of the month looms, if I cannot pay my rent, I have nowhere to go.
And so it will be!
My biggest lesson through this is tenacity. The ones that I was so sure of turned their backs on me and I have seen more kindness from strangers that it makes the rejection bearable.
So as I face another weekend indoors, planning for the week ahead, I don't know what the future holds. What I do know is that something has to work out, my weekends will be full of joy again, my bank balance will increase and my faith in humanity will be restored - and when it does, I will be ready!
To everyone reading this, take courage when you find yourself in situations that are unfamiliar, scary and seemingly hopeless. Rejection hurts but kindness lives on forever.
To all those who will reply to this, please forgive my delayed response. I am new to the community and still learning about RC and HP. As I recharge, I will reply and I thank you in advance!
We are here to lift each other up with words that are a valuable currency! Don't give up! Our words will cause a ripple which will flow; ushering in waves of change for the greater good!
PS: These are my own words. No AI was used and I took these pics using my phone. Also, if you have suggestions or ways that I can improve, please share these. I'm learning more and more about this incredible platform each day! :)