"If you give me" - Revisiting my old(er) poetry ENG/SLO

I'm glad you decided to join me on** a journey through poetry**. I'm revisiting/rewriting some of my old(er) poetry + trying to translate it as best as I can.
Always in the mood for feedback/critique and general talk about poetry. Feel free to comment below, much appreciated. 😇

image.png
Photo source

Če mi daš / If you give me

if you give me
your fragile bones
your bone marrow

the saltiness of your tears
the stickiness of your saliva

if you give me
your dead cells
your pain

fluttering of life
the nearness of exhale

if you give me
yourself on the altar
yourself to the bottom

vulnerable lastness
of still your flesh

if you give me
I take
– I take you

nothing in return
but the void of immortality

Če mi daš / If you give me (slovene)

če mi daš
svoje krhke kosti
svoj kostni mozeg

slanost svojih solz
lepljivost sline

če mi daš
svoje odmrle celice
svojo bolečino

trzanje življenja
bližino izdiha

če mi daš
sebe na oltarju
sebe do dna

ranljivo zadnjost
še zares tvojega mesa

če mi daš
vzamem
– si te vzamem

nič v zameno
nesmrtnosti praznino

Yours truly, yours creepily - creeptor

Sort:  

Great poem, I loved that play on words that you used for your writing, it is always better to give than to receive and if it is a special person, much more, good job my friend ♥

Beautiful swirling verses in a fancy jar with hundreds of colors shimmering, waiting to be jewels.

Thanks for sharing.
Good day.