Almost one year ago, I lost my best friend, my confidant, my middle child, my only son. I have been unable to write very well since then, and poetry has eluded me almost entirely.
But it is time for me to breathe on my own again, for myself and not for him. I offer this poem as a beginning, an attempt to dull the pain of his horrible end, which haunts me.
I believe this is my first poem in this community. I apologize that it has taken me so long to participate here. This poem was not written for any specific prompt, although I believe it is appropriate for both last week's and this week's prompts.
not long ago
you ripened in my belly -
I breathed for you
not long ago
you learned to whack a baseball ten or more feet
we played for hours in our tiny backyard
not long ago
you became airborne on your skateboard
Mom! Come see!
not long ago
you became a young man
solemn prayer in your voice
more recently still
you took your last breath in my arms
as I said,
over and over,
I'm right here
I still breathe for you
when I can breathe
you live in me still
This is the most perfect way to honour your emotions. It took my breath away in its sparse beauty, perfectly coupled with that end image. I have seen that picture of him before and think he just looks so beautiful. Xxx Hugs xx
He was a very beautiful person. I'm still unable to look at pictures of him, so this is the one I use whenever I write about him since it's already on my computer. The end image is the blockchain poets prompt of the week. I wrote the poem before I saw it, and thought it a perfect image to use. Sometimes things just drop right into place.
Thank you for your beautiful comment. xoxoxoxoxo
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Beautiful and terrible. I can't even imagine the loss.
He had been bed bound for seven years at the time of his death. I was both his caretaker and a witness to his long struggle to recover. While it is a terrible loss, there has also been a great deal of relief that he doesn't have to suffer anymore,
Wow, seven years is a very long time. I am sad that he is not living, but relieved that his suffering is over. Next is the healing for those who love him.
Seven years - bedridden, unable to walk - and SO YOUNG.
My heart aches for you, his mother, his caregiver.
I'm so glad you wrote about this (in poetry! after a year!) - so sorry for the subject matter.
His struggle to recover.
The relief, so small compared to the staggering loss -
you write so beautifully of this unthinkable, unfathomable loss.
All week my own family has been struggling with Dad in the hospital Friday, now heading to a nursing home, but the paperwork, the bureaucracy, the redtape - more stress than my mom can handle. Fortunately one of the grandchildren was at hand.
So I've been offline a lot...
but you all are not out of sight, out of mind.
Lovely words in your poem and I imagine this would have been a little difficult for you, but maybe also empowering to some degree.
The poem aside though, I liked what you said here.
Yes, both I suppose. More than a little difficult though. It will always be very difficult. Thank you for your comment and support.
I know, it's tough. I get it...from a different set of experiences than yours, but the difficulties are similar.
You're welcome for the comment. It's always difficult to comment to things like this as one doesn't know quote what to say, doesn't want to overstep or say the wrong thing that could make matters worse...but, I think saying something to indicate that one is there. isn't a bad thing.
No I was glad you commented. Thank you. I know how hard it is to find the right thing, because there is no right thing.
🤗 I think this emoji means hug. If I am wrong and it means something else like, I have wandering hands, my apology. 😋
I got a chuckle
and a tiny tickle
from your emoji
Chuckles and tickles are acceptable results.
The loss of a child is one that happens every day in our minds, so many hugs to you!! Thank you for sharing this piece of your heart, it is a wonderful step. The photo of your son is adorable 💚
Thank you.
A sad story but I hope that you sharing it somehow makes you better. We all have similar stories but the ones that affect us personally always hit the hardest.
I've told his story several times now, in snippets like this. It is very difficult for me to write about him.
The loss of a child is so devastating, please find comfort and strength, I wish you divine healing.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
You are welcome.
This kind of poems are the ones that reach people's hearts the most. They are written with ink from the soul to let the words fly in a plea for relief.
Thanks for sharing.
Good day.
This is the most heartfelt and truest poem I have ever read. He will always live in you. When my granddaughter was 7 years old she said, "Grandma I will never miss you". I asked why and she told me because you will always be in my heart.
Wow! Very wise for a seven year old! It's true though. There are days I feel closer to him than when he was alive. It's the loss of his future that is the true loss. I had him with me for 27 years. There's a lot of him still here.
Hugs, my friend.
Thank you. That's the right thing to say!
I read this yesterday and wanted to comment because I felt very moved by it, but of course, I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t comment.
I still don’t know what to say, but I do want to tell you that I feel very shook by what you’ve shared, and I’m very sorry for your loss.
Maybe in that world where there’s a whisky glass and a martini glass on a table, and bats are crawling out from behind the shutters, we would have a conversation about this and other things.
There really is nothing correct to say. Your comment is much appreciated.
My son loved the bats streaming out. He loved when crows crowded the treetops too. He was an animal lover. I miss him terribly, ever since mother's day. Why do we have these awful days?
I acknowledge that recovering from a significant life event can be challenging and can take a long time, much like the process of healing from the loss of a parent.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and especially sorry that somehow I didn't know about his passing.
Of course I am curious as to what happened, but I am sure you have either spoken about it before, and/or do not want to now
Stay strong, stay true to yourself and keep on breathing for YOU
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Thank you. I have written a little bit about this, always using the same thumb. It is very difficult to write about!
He was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, after several years of ill health, at the age of 8. He had a great deal of medical "care," which pretty much poisoned him, and destroyed his muscles and bone - prednisone for 8 solid years, prescribed by the head pediatric gastroenterologist of NYU Tisch hospital, one of the supposedly best pediatricians in the world. This left him crippled for the rest of his life. Somehow, he chose to carry on, with prayer. He is an inspiration.
😥 I've been prescribed Prednisone several times over the years, but always there was the warning that prolonged use would damage the liver, so I am very wary of it.
Several years ago when I was seriously infested with Poison Ivy, I was giving a bottle (not a dose pack) along with a script for Hydroxyzine (for itching, but I continue to use that PRN for sleep)
As soon as the inflammation from the P Ivy resolved, I stopped the prednisone, so I still have some if needed.
I had a 1st cousin die while I was in the military from Crohn's, I didn't know about it for years.
Confused :/ you said he IS an inspiration? but he is no longer living?
Yes. When I wrote that, I originally used "was," but the truth is, I still ask him what he would do or think about many things. Recently, I asked him if I should buy gold, and he clearly said "Mom, people die mining gold. Wars are fought over gold."
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Ohhh I love this!
You hear his voice in your mind - who's to say it's not his voice?
And I love his insight.
People died for land, too; people had land taken from them by invaders and conquering armies; still, land may be worth more than gold.
Is there anything we can claim as our own in this life that does not cause us guilt or make us feel culpable....?
The loss of a loved one brings so much emotions at once. I am sorry to hear about his demise.
Keep breathing, you will get through this. ❤️💡
That first picture looks exactly like my lake. We even have brown adirondack chairs on the dock.
Beautiful music Carol. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. I feel there is not much I can say, only send you my love and the biggest of hugs. Xxxxxx
This is a very moving post with a beautiful poem of remembrance.
Being able to write about such a loss can only help you to heal.
I wish you peace of mind dealing with this situation. They say that time heals all. Hopefully, the good times you spent with your middle son will displace what no parent should ever have to deal with.
You are one strong woman!
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I am so sorry to hear of this devastating loss, @owasco. What a wonderful tribute to your beautiful boy. Thank you for allowing us an opportunity to see him through your eyes. ❤️
Oh that comment is just what I need to hear. He was bed bound for so long that, by his end, very few people knew him out side the immediate family. I am so thankful for those few. He was a wonderful person, smart, funny, and his own man. I learned so much from him. xo
Heartfelt and beautiful poem, @owasco. I'm sorry I didn't see it before. A hug.
Thank you. Hugs are good stuff, even the virtual kind.