Finally asleep, he drifts off to another world,
One without negativity, one with peace.
He knows it's a dream because there's someone there who's not there with him.
Everything is amplified, touch, sight, smell.
He begins to wander through his mind,
Taking note of where the bodies are buried.
Don't worry, his past versions of himself were lesser.
Lesser versions of himself weren't good enough for anyone.
He tried so hard each time only to run into a roadblock.
Everything melts away from the surface of his mind,
A flashback takes form, vividly in his eyes.
It's that night again, it hurts him so much.
The night he was apologized to, the night he had his first panic attack,
The night he woke up in a cold sweat, feeling like hell,
Burning alive, he calls out in the night
And is awoken to a sad state of affairs.
The room is empty except for him.
The suite is morbid, smells leftover from his roommate's exploits.
He feels so lost, so hurt, he leaves,
It's 4:00 in the morning, and he doesn't know where his mind is.
It was in a dark place, somewhere.
Alone, left to his own devices,
He puts on a song; blast beats ensue.
The numbing of his heart proceeds.
So shocked from what he read, so alone from what he thinks,
His mind starts to disappear behind a cloud.
The cloud had been following him all year,
Torturing, pricking, prodding, hanging over him like fate,
His conscience is so warped he can't think straight.
Slowly, he begins to shake, numb to the feeling of being left behind, again.
Unable to breathe properly, he starts to hyperventilate.
Shifting the blame to himself again,
All he feels is pain. Sorrow takes a hold again and goes with him on a walk.
He's desperately searching for a way out.
He needs to know that life will get better.
He needs to know that people will be there, one day.
He needs to know that he won't be left behind again.
He doesn't deserve that. He never did.
What he did deserve, was a pocketful of sunshine.
What he did deserve, was respect, honesty, compassion.
He spent the next three years looking for closure in a pipe.
Anything to take away the pain,
Anything to numb his mind from what he was feeling.
Anything had to be better than that.
He thought, "is there more to life than this?"
Woah - this is dark, deep, and intense. I really like how you've created this world of dreams and nightmares that feels like a psychological journey.
Thanks for sharing.
You now gat a big fan of your wonderful poems.
thank you for your kind words...you'll find a lot of dark things on this path
Craving to read more of it.
Enjoy your day ✌️
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