so, the poem.
a nice unrhymed quatrain quartet.
some nice imagery, but some of it jarring and unharmonious. this may be deliberate, but for me is jarring to read.
still, it's a nice poem.
the imagery I struggle with. the first one is okay, and I see why the second is there, but for me the inelegance of the pictures detracts from the poem instead of complementing it. of course, that's my personal view, so consider as benefits you
Thank You for your thoughts on my poem. Best!