It's been a long time since I had been in a bad mood for two days and was unable to control it. An overwhelming feeling of sadness mixed with disappointment that I couldn't pull myself out. Since taking mindfulness courses, I've always tried to recognize and name my emotions and talk to them to deeply understand why I feel that way. But this time I was stuck.
I understand that my sadness comes from many different causes. The main one was my expectation for my recent visa application - something I couldn't control and shouldn't have put my expectation on. Since applying for the visa, every day I woke up with positive thoughts and believe that I will get a visa fast enough and will soon be able to visit home. The first week I lived in unrelenting happiness, I dreamed of the moments when I met my parents and enjoyed dinner with them. I was very happy.
In the second week, I started researching to buy plane tickets and talking to my manager about my plans to visit home. Everyone is happy that I will be able to visit home after 4 years away. In the 3rd week, I told myself I would have the news very soon, some people who applied at the same time as I already received the news.
Although I still believe in and practice positive thinking, I decided to call immigration to get updates and confirmation in week 4. I really didn't want to call because I knew at that time the war between Russia and Ukraine had started, and a lot of people who have families in Ukraine were needing to call immigration to get help. However, with only a few weeks left on my visa, I started to have anxiety and was unable to sleep well at night.
After learning that my application is fine and they were still waiting to assign me the case officer, I felt less anxious. However, the expectation of visiting my family let me down. After 5 weeks of applying with no news, while so many people applying at the same time got their visas approved, I lost control. I couldn't concentrate at work and check my email every hour. By the time I realized I was stressed, I was in a state where I couldn't pull myself out.
For two days I were overwhelmed by sadness and just wanted to stay at home. Seeing that I was struggling with my thoughts, my partner decided we had to go out. He chose a coastal walk that we had never been to - Makara Walkway. It's very close to where I live, only about a 30-minute drive but I never seem to have heard of it.
View from the top of Makara hills
It was cloudy early that morning, a bit chilly due to the wind blowing from the south bringing the Antarctica cold. I told myself, that's it my sadness darkens the whole sky. But strangely, when driving through the hills and past the centre of Wellington, the sky naturally brightens, the glimmering rays of a chilly morning plus the fog evoke a sense of belonging in my mind. I suddenly felt an attachment to this place and realized that this is the place I've always wanted to live.
Do you see, the warm light of a chilly morning
the beach is so clear in the morning, my sadness seems to have eased a bit
Step by step, I'm still thinking about the future and the present
The start of the track is quite gentle and nice to enjoy a beautiful morning. We followed a small flat road that took us through small bays, where many people were diving to catch seafood. The sound of waves lapping gently like embracing the beach makes me feel more relaxed.
Realizing that I should live in the present moment instead of thinking too much about my future. I started counting my steps and breathing. I listen to the sound of gentle waves lapping at the shore. The sound of small stones playing with the waves. My heart lightened up, I noticed schools of small fish, patches of sea lettuce washed ashore by the waves, and sea urchins lying beside the rocks.
Look at those cuties, so lucky I found them and bring them back to the sea
Got some pretty shelves to bring home
At first, I thought the sea urchin was dead and I kept asking myself why. Was it because of the waves or something else? But after watching for a while, I saw the thorns around him moving. I quickly brought him back to the sea in the hope that he would survive. And so I found myself again, being grateful to just be there, alive and healthy. That is enough, I shouldn't worry about anything else.
I have to admit this is one of the most beautiful walkways in Wellington, the track we walked just passed the beach area with clear water where I could clearly see the joyful life of the marine species here. In the distance were windmills and right in front of us was the beautiful south island.
Spending about 2 hours of walking and resting around the beach, listening to the sound of the waves, watching the windmills, we started climbing to the high cliffs to see the whole place. This track leads us through a farm where sheep are grazing. I also found a lot of water celery growing around a small stream around the farm.
This is water celery. I spent a bit of time introducing myself to my companions about this vegetable, my friends loved to see and pluck the leaves to smell its scent.
Since this is a hill climb and very steep, plus the intense heat at noon, it was quite difficult for me and my friends to climb to the top of the hill. We were all gasping for breath and didn't pay attention to the beauty of this place. When we were at the top, I turned around and saw a large area with 34 windmills.
It was amazing to see how we climbed this challenge and then be rewarded with this view
Behind me is a beautiful scene with a blue sea, small houses leaning on the cliffs and towering windmills.
I was so close to the windmill, never seen one at that close distance
Some locals saw us panting after climbing the hill, they approached to talk to us and said that the climb we had just climbed was quite steep and very tiring, they also climbed it before and decided to follow the other route. After resting for a while at the top, we decided to stop for lunch. It was around 1 pm, the sky was clear and cloudless, the Marlborough south is standing tall just in front of us, we couldn't believe it was so close, had to open google map to confirm.
The way down is very beautiful, following the small path and looking in the direction of Makara beach. Right at this moment, we saw a person playing paragliding, seeing him gently glide with the wind and then against the wind to go to the sides of the mountainside, we couldn't help but admire and also look forward to a time to try. I think this will be a very fun sport, can enjoy the view from above but not too scary.
We were all waving and cheering because he was at a close distance, suddenly I saw him moving in the direction directly above us, I was a little scared because he might hit us. But no, he gently approached and greeted. A beautiful scene like this plus his colourful umbrella made all of us, feel more beautiful and poetic. The children cheered and the adults all stopped to enjoy the beautiful scenery.
Now that the sun was less harsh, the wind was light and very pleasant. We soon reached the shoreline at the start of our journey. Compared to the morning, I saw the bustle of many families visiting. We lingered for a while and sat down right in the area with the small islands next to the beach, listening to the gentle waves and enjoying a beautiful day. I secretly thank my partner and friends who came along and shared beautiful memories with me. And so I fell in love with life again.
Makara Walkway is a 6.6 kilometre loop that begins and ends at Makara Beach. The total time for the track that I went was 5 hours, we left at 9:30 am and returned home at 2:30 pm. If you have a chance to visit Wellington, the Makara track is one of the most beautiful tracks that you should visit. On the way from Wellington central, you will pass by small farms, including areas for people who like horse riding before reaching the beach area.
Later that night, I told my partner that I love building our home in Makara Valley. I want to have a small house near the hills and farms, where I can enjoy the fresh air every day, watch the sheep and horses play, and the newly hatched chicks run and jump. I would be busy during the days in my small garden, and then I can run to the beach to watch the sunrise and set every day with my loved ones. Just like that, my heart fills with love and hope again.
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This is such a dreamy morning. I would love to wakeup to chilly mornings with the sun somehow still shining 😍 beautiful photos as always!
Thank you :) me too, i love to see the sun rays at that time as well. It likes magical.
I am sorry to hear that you have such a hard time with the visa. It can get very stressful and some times it is just impossible to stop worrying, there is no button or easy way...
Your walk is amazing and healing :) Beautiful landscape!
This is wonderful!!!
Thank you for your nice words @traisto. I just got the news yesterday afternoon that they approved my application. I am so thrilled now. Yayyy.
This is so true. I questioned myself, I know that this was out of my control so I shouldn't be worry but it is just there in my head. I couldn't shut it down.
Worrying is just human, we can only work on it and become better in dealing with it. I believe you are doing great!Great news @dora381, I am so happy for you girl! I can imagine your joy combined with good sleep and reconnection-with-the-family plans!
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