Worst Advice I've Heard | Seen In My Work
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What's up HIVERS!
We all have those days that somehow despite the day starting alright, at the end of it we are left feeling so lost that we just can't help but wonder what the hell went long.
A few months back, I had such a day, but on that day I decided to try something suggested by many people - talk to someone about it... There is a common saying about the load becoming bearable when shared. I rarely talk about how or what I am feeling, I prefer instead to write it in my journal, and in the process probably make sense of whatever it is.
On that day though I decided to just be frank with a close friend when she asked how I was doing. I wrote a few short paragraphs trying to be articulate as much as I could, detailing how I was feeling. I was not looking for advice or her to even comprehend what I was actually saying, I just needed someone to listen and be there.
Am not sure she even understood what I wrote before giving a short reply, "Peter, you've to get over it!" I had to reread what I my message to her to even try and get why she would just reply with such.
I was offended and hated the fact that I had even decided to share with someone. In my short paragraphs to her, I had explained what I was going through but at the end I told her that it was just one of those days but it would get to pass and come tomorrow I would be much better.
Her reply though just kinda showed how a nuisance I was being, despite having being there for her and listening when things weren't so zen. She did what many of us unfortunately do or have done to others, give a reply not because you understand but just because one is needed. There is no time to even comprehend what one is saying or where they really are coming from, we just rush straight to a reply, just to keep the conversation going, but does the conversation even matter?
My resolve was to just let everything be, deal with things my usual way and unless talking to a therapist, just shut up. It hurts when someone who you thought gets you doesn't, and to avoid such pain it is better to find other ways of dealing with the pains of once existence.
I did question our friendship but I realized one thing, for some of us it is very easy to emphasize with others and what they are going through, but it doesn't necessary mean they will fully understand or comprehend what the hell we are going through. It doesn't mean we just choose to be narcissistic and consider ourselves more important than others, it just means we be always there when needed unconditionally and make peace with the fact that it is much easier figuring it out without necessarily inconveniencing others.
Get over it, to me was the worst advice, it showed the lack of comprehension of where I was actually coming from.
The whole situation made me actually realize that sometimes the best advice is actually no advice at all. We eventually figure it out, why go through the pain of trying to make others understand but they never actually will, all for naught.
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