The History of Names

in Comedy Open Mic2 years ago

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It's been some while since I last shared my intellectual prowess in this community and I know you all have missed me. You're all welcome. Well, I haven't been sleeping on y'all or anything like that. I've actually been researching on a number of issues, one of which I'm about to share with you all right now. It has not been easy, but I have finally arrived at factual conclusions about my research.

As an ardent football fan that I am, I've always wondered where some of the players get their names from. I have witnessed some very funny and unusual names in my over 20 years of watching football, that it piqued my interest to dig deep and uncover the mysteries and genealogy of most of these names.

Take a name like Declan Rice for example, how would a human being name his own child RICE. Everyone knows that rice is food, and human beings shouldn't be struggling names with food. So I put on my thinking cap and sight seeing glasses and went straight to work to uncover the hidden mystery.

My findings shows that Declan Rice is a descendant of an English family of the industrial revolution era, who were so caught up in their ways that they refused to move into the mechanical era of industrialization and decided to stick with their trivial rice farming tradition. Being the only surviving member of the clan, the elders of the community decided that the only way that the family legacy would continue is to use Declan as a symbol of the family.

Not knowing the kind of names their clan usually answered, they decided to make direct reference to his roots "De clan of Rice", hence the name DECLAN RICE. So there it is, Declan Rice is just a short form of De Clan of Rice.

As for former Leicester City and Chelsea player, Danny Drinkwater, his own roots run much deeper than that of Rice. The Englishman isn't originally English, but a migrant from ancient Israel. If you can remember the Bible story about the thirsty army that was led to a river to drink water, where some of them used their hands to cup the water into their mouth, while the others just buried their faces in the stream to gulp the water, and were eventually sent home.

That's where Danny came from. His forefather was one of those who buried their face in the water and was then sent home. As his forefather could not handle the shame of being seen as a weakling, he left Israel and journeyed through the desert day and night to the coast of England. He was found on the borders looking hungry and tattered by a missionary who recognized him as a jew and took him in.

His forefather was given the name Drinkwater because that was the only thing he could mutter in English to the missionary. He kept repeating the phrase "drink water" when asked anything, so the missionary decided to name him that as Englishmen can answer anything. So Danny Drinkwater is the direct descendant of a Jewish soldier.

Another Leicester player that I found in my quest for knowledge was James Maddison. James is from a lineage who suffered as a result of a great flood that affected some parts of England. His family were rendered homeless when the flood ravaged through their community killing many in the process.

When the government started providing aid to the victims of the flood, James Madison's family were found at the Maddison square garden, tendering the garden and using it to fend for their family. They kept the garden so beautifully that the queen decided to honor their family by giving them a family name after the garden.

"As from today, your family will be called Madison, for you have tendered this national garden so beautifully, not minding your sorrows". From that day, James' family adopted the name Madison till this day.

These are some of the history that has been forgotten by the temporal human mind and it took some digging for me to get it out here. There are more to come, and I'll be bringing them to your notice as I complete my research. You guys are welcome!.

Welcome to my blog, you can relax and be rest assured of quality content on diverse topics. You're free to air your views and opinions in the comments section, and It'll be my pleasure to learn and engage
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I think Messi's father committed an abomination and was about to be executed when his boy came shouting mercy! mercy!! mercy!!! Since then whenever they go to play ball in the field the children mock him with the name Mercy till he got conversant with the name and let it flow..😂😂
Still on the research process though😂😂

Like seriously! Before I fully got into football, I used to think it's Mercy...like I found it hard to pronounce it the twisted sound of Messi instead of Mercy 🙅🏻‍♂️

Hopefully, when I get into football very well I should be able to pronounce it better too🙂🙂

What you did to declan rice is a violation of human rights...lmao...I have lowkey taught about names.. Rice, Drinkwater, Billing, Cook,etc like how do they get these names and literally just accept them...

No doubt you have a lot of quality content in a scattered mind ha,ha,ha,ha. Tremendous research. I have a grievance office for these human beings who have fallen into this misfortune of having names with this genetic load. I think they are proud of their names and I'm sure I will be a millionaire if any of them make it to my company. Thanks for bringing smiles in the midst of some mayhem @diikaan

Sharp!!
This is beautiful.
Now, I'll have to start looking critically into people's names.

And I wonder how you come up with these stuff😂😂 classic tho.

😂 😂😂
It's history, I just research

Amazing 😂

Declan rice story is nice and sweet. The way you grammertize the names to match or rhyme with each other is beautiful. Weldone

Thank you for the kind words

Welcome dear