It's been a quite a while when I made a foray into this space, sitting pretty on my pen and using the broom at its tip to wiggle through here with humor. It was like magic cos sometimes I even surprised myself. And it's not like I did not see the post by @oldsoulnewb about reviving this place and bringing it back to its glory days.
But it's also been a long time since I wrote anything meaningful and for days I tried writing a particular article and it's been a terrible struggle as if I'm now a very different person from the one that used to write everyday. It's been an epic battle between my old self and new self and it makes me feel like I'm now part of the LGBTQ community (whatever pronoun you would give someone who feels two males inside him/her/they/them etc.)
I finally decided to share this after the two of me decided to take the battle into my dream space. In a bid to convince me that it's better, my old self convinced two grown up ladies to engage in a battle of fists just to have me, while it stood aside smiling and puffing up mocking my old self of how stale it has become. "See that's how you used to be" he/she barked proudly.
My new self responded by bringing my ex into the equation. It directed us to her new boyfriend's house back when we were still dating. It showed how her new boyfriend was asking her about me and her response.
Her new boyfriend: "What about your boyfriend"
My Ex: "Please don't spoil my mood"
My new self: "You see? That's the one girl you were doing everything for and telling people that you've found the one, Mr player" gesturing theatrically towards my old self and bursting into a fit of laughter.
That's the thing about some women though. There was a time I used to be a very traditional man, when I went to the east and they told me that to be accepted in that community I have to worship a particular snake I just blatantly told the chiefs that I don't and can never worship a woman no matter what.
As the thought crossed my mind, I could see the new me beaming with pride and confidence. But the old me was fuming and before I could do anything to diffuse the situation my old self blurted out "Will you drop those shoulders, as if you still don't watch your ex's pictures and videos with tears in your eyes and a hand full of lotion by the side"
Sh*t! That part shouldn't have been made public, but what can I say, it's very hard to hold yourself together when you can feel two grown up men inside you. Wait, no, not like feel them in the way that gays feel each other. That came out wrong, damn! Just know that I'm not gay.
But that has also made me understand the whole pronoun thing that has been thrown around. The whole they/them thing. What I mean is if you're a guy but feel like a lady, then you go do a surgery to become a woman, this means that you now have a v*gina but no less testosterone which means you have two people/genders in one person. That means he/she is a they or them.
Okay, back to the two me. The old me was cocky, had lots of women, but gave very little fucks. I dunno if that made me celibate. But the new me is more humble, compassionate, kind, gives a lot of fucks and gets fucked a lot, but is single. I don't know if that makes me promiscuous. It just seems like two conflicting adults are growing in me as I get fucked the more, but I'm not transgender and I don't know if that is even possible with they/them.
I'm awake now and I just noticed that this has just been posted on the peakd platform. Let me say that whatever was written here was done in the dream world and every anger or cancel culture should be directed to my two alter egos in the dream land. But don't think that will get me fucked up, cos I'm already having enough.
That's enough swear words for the week. I guess I just needed to get some of it out before it triples down on me. Bye!
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LOL!
Great to see your return! Even in your sleep, you do not disappoint!
Such a shame you had pictures of your ex while going through that lotion. You could have been enjoying some high quality free internet porn.
I wonder how many #comedyopenmic tags I would have to drop to make it trend?