For 12 solid years, I thought, I was happily married until I realized it was otherwise.
In those dozen years, I did nothing as far as my career was concerned.
I was depending on my husband for everything.
He provided food and paid bills and I was okay with that.
Sometimes you don't think properly until something hits you hard.
The sickness of my mother...😔😔😔😔
One morning, I got a call that my mum was dying in the village. She had been sick for some time but at this point, her condition had aggravated.
In her sickly voice she spoke to me over the phone.
'My daughter, I need to be checked by specialists.'
This disturbed me.
I could not wait but text my husband.
‘Daddy, my mum is sick and we need to take her to a Central hospital.’
“Mmmmmm, very bad...”
that what his reply...
I was shocked....
Very bad ...what does he mean? 🙃
When he arrived from work, I presented the issue again...in more detail.
“Darling, I heard. Bringing her here is costly and what if something happens?”
‘Hey, you mean we cannot help my mother because you think she can die here?
Can we at least try save her life?’, I cried while uttering these words but my husband was adamant .
He was serious. He couldn't even give me money for transport…’just to go and see my mother.’
My siblings, two of them, in town also had nothing.
I was the eldest of the three sisters borne to this woman who was now helpless.
We all rushed for marriage.
I misled my sisters. They followed my footsteps.👣
“You are down, my sister...”
That was my neighbor speaking to me one day.
My countenance was sad.
I told her of mama’s illness and my inability to bring her to my home.
She gave me K20000. That evening, I told my husband that I would be traveling to see Mum. He was not concerned at all. He just said “Ummm, go and see her. He did not even add a K1000 to my transport fee.
It was clear he didn't want my sick mother in our home.
Nevertheless, I traveled and took my mum straight to the Central Hospital. They diagnosed a big tumour but, thank God, it was not cancerous, but it was lying at a delicate place.
Any delay would have resulted in rupture and instant death as the doctor warned.
But then there was a long queue of patients waiting for the same procedure.
‘You need to go to private clinic.’ But I had nothing for a private hospital.
I went begging my husband but
he said, “I don't have money, as simple as that...”
Then I suggested that he got a loan? He was like…”Eeeee not now..”
I cursed the day I left school and chose to look up to this man as my everything.
That was a big mistake. Here I am now looking like a beggar to my own husband. I had no password to his purse…
I could not go to my neigbour again. The money she gave me earlier was a lot and I had nothing....
This was the time that I realized why a woman must have something doing instead of depending solely on her husband.
A woman must be doing something
My mother was counting days to her early grave and we, her three daughters, were there simply married with nothing to help our own mum.
We looked at each other in tears.
I was intelligent in school but my eyes on men deceived me.
That's how I ended dropping out at form 4 without a certificate.
When I left the hospital bed where mum was lying, I kept walking like a zombie without direction....
“Wezzie, Wezzie” Then she touched my hand. “Eeeee you seem to be far away “
‘Oooh... ‘ I looked at her... It was 12 to 13 years since I saw her last. We were not only classmates but were so close that we even shared a bed.
She was wearing white coat and with a stethoscope. I knew my friend took a different path from me after she left the same secondary school.
Memories of our secondary school days came clear.
I learnt she was a doctor at the same hospital ....Dr Chikondi.
Fast forward....
The following day....
Dr Chikondi made her own moves and my mum was operated on....the tumor was successfully removed.
Mum smiled from theater.
She thanked me...but I said....no, we thank Dr. Chikondi.
What an angel sent at the right time.
From that day.... I called myself to a meeting.
_What have I done with my life?
_
Child bearing?
One after another? Was that all?
When mum was being discharged,
Dr Chikondi called me and handed me an envelope containing cash and she said....”Wezzie it’s not too late to start business or go back to school.
See your mother needs you now...Be a profitable daughter.”
I knelt before her to show her my gratitude.
We left each other.
Be a profitable daughter....
Your mother needs you.....
_These words pierced my heart for several days...
I called myself again to a meeting...
_ Marriage was not enough....
I needed to do something.....
The money Dr Chikondi gave me was enough for a bale of used clothes (kaunjika).
I bought one....
That was the genesis of my business....
Later I employed 2 people to manage my business.
I enrolled also for MSCE again and passed with 4 credits only.... I refused that.... but went for it again and this time around ...credits were converted to distinctions and passes to credits.
I went straight to university.🎓
Fast forward....
I didn't attend my graduation, it was a bad as well as a good day.
_It was the same day I was burying my husband.....he died in his sleep.... No sickness, nothing...
I had tears..... And questions....
_
_What if he had given me the money to support my mother?
_
_I wouldn't have gone back to school
_
_Today I would have been a widow with nothing to lean on...
_ But on this day I have received 4 salaries from my job.
My business was also doing very well.
I WAS EMPOWERED
_What would have become of me?
_
Had it not been my mother's sickness that brought me to the hospital and I met my friend Dr Chikondi?
Some situations are there to teach us something.
To take you out of that comfort zone.
To make you wiser....
To rethink and reassess clearly
Marriage is a beautiful thing but it is not a pass to being a dependent!
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