Life changes when you jump to family life

The model where one is with the child and the other works is not suitable for our way of life, and this is usually a failure of a person as a father or mother. A failed role, a poorly performed role that you have chosen yourself. The only model that works in a family, it seems to me, should be that both take care of the children to the maximum extent possible. And both try to replace each other when the other no longer has the energy and strength. It seems to me that this is how love should look, and this is what the family looks like.

I know very well that my husband gets tired of working and being a father. I get tired too. And any mother gets tired. Because that time when one of the parents is left alone at home with the children - it can even be very intense. Yes, it can be both nice and fun. Work is also fun - for some sometimes, for others often. Not to mention those mothers or fathers who, while taking care of the children, also try to do something else in the professional field with one hand and one foot - in our case. It is natural for someone to get tired, and it is natural that after work, both parents take care of the children, clean the house, and take care of the household, because that was the choice. We, adults, choose whether we want to have children. And if we choose to have them, we take the responsibility of taking care of them, which, of course, can sometimes be really difficult.

I liked reading the words of one psychotherapist that those people who emigrated for work and left their children, for example, with grandparents, lie that they did so for the sake of the children and the family. To me, this situation smells like "doing what you can". Of course, each of us have the right to choose whether it suits us, but I know wery well that it would not suit me.

I simply don't believe in such a parenting model. And if a mother did what she could and didn't feed her child, didn't bathe him a little, didn't supervise him a little and he fell somewhere? But she did what she could - she just had other things to do. That wouldn't be an excuse for me. It's just that the child and the family are either a priority or they aren't.

I simply do not give my husband the opportunity not to take responsibility and not to be equal partners. This is my condition - we can be a family as long as he and I show through our actions that we are a family. This applies to both of us me and my husband. It does not apply to a child, because creating a family is the parents' duty. A child's job is to be a child, not to try to please his parents to make it easier for them.

To be honest, my children's father is a very good father. I think that gratitude in relationships and in the family is important. That it is important to be grateful even for taking out the trash, even if it is that person's duty. Just as much as it is my duty. And it is not a miracle. Good parents - fathers and mothers - are good people. But in truth, it is the only way to fulfill the role they have created correctly.

The ease in my life largely comes from teamwork. From the fact that dad is the dad I imagine he should be. And here I have such mixed feelings: on the one hand, it's funny to me that dad is considered so weak in society, because if the child stays with him and the mother goes somewhere, then it's doubtful whether he'll be able to cope, and he's called a good sort with exaggerated enthusiasm.

But I can see that if I were a single mother, it would be hellishly difficult for me. I have no doubt that I will cope - I am generally the coping type. This was one of the reasons why I decided to have children, because I thought that I would cope if anything. If he leaves for someone else, dies or becomes disabled, you never know. I really thought about whether I would be able to stay alone and support them, whether I would be able to take care of both of my children and even husband. I don't think it's necessary to focus on problems that don't exist, but I know that anxiety is fueled by not knowing. So I choose to know. Have a plan, at least some way out of trouble.

In general, raising children is easy for me. I'm not saying that there are no moments of fatigue, but more often than not. Or maybe more often than not, we manage to look at everything with ease, without putting pressure on ourselves, we go a lot of places, do a lot of things together, we live creatively, we don't complicate things. It seems to me that we are doing well, although this does not mean that we have not dark moments.