Recently, I realized that I still have a lot to learn about parenting. The more I think that I am doing my best as a mom, the more I see my weaknesses unfolding, and then I begin to think that this journey is far more than I envisioned. No doubt, motherhood experience comes with mixed feelings; sometimes I have loads of fun and quiet an unusual moment with my kids, and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with the whole journey of parenting.
I think this year is even more hectic for me regarding my parenting journey, as my husband hasn't been in town but visits and goes back to where he stays temporarily due to his job. Playing the role of a mom and dad in the lives of my kids hasn't been easy. It's always better when the two parents do the tasks together, especially for me, who has only boys who are hyperactive, but then, it's what it is, and I begin to think how single parents cope. That's not what I want to discuss today anyway, but the imperfections I have been experiencing as a mom.
I have studied my three sons and understand both their strengths and weaknesses. This discovery has been like a guide that I use while nurturing them, but it seems like my second son is always sensitive and wouldn't hesitate to point out my errors. Academically, my second and third sons are more sound than my first son, and so I give my first son so much attention. This period they have been writing their termly exams; it's been all about my first son. I make sure to assist him with his revisions on all his subjects but always allow my younger sons to study on their own with only the little assistance I give them since I trust them to do well without my full assistance. I never knew that these little boys weren't pleased with my actions even when I tried to explain the "whys.".
My second son asked me a question that broke my heart last night; he said, Mummy, am I not your son? And I said yes, you are my lovely son, and then he said again, why are you not giving me attention like my elder brother? Why is everything about my elder brother? He went further to describe how I always put an eye on my first son in virtually everything he is doing but not the same with him.
The truth is that my first son has been suffering with developmental challenges, which is affecting his coordination and his academic life. This is why giving him the most attention is inevitable, so he wouldn't lag behind much, but all my effort to explain to my second son, who is 7 years old, has proved abortive. He now sees me as a mom without an equal share of love with her children, leaving me with the feeling of being a terrible mom.
This is like a burden to my soul currently, and I have to accept all my imperfections as a mother, seeking a suitable approach to have balance with my activities while parenting my kids.
I will leave you with this question, and if you find it relatable, do well to give me feedback. What approach do you think is suitable to apply with this experience I shared above in order to achieve harmony at home?
Images are mine.
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First of all, I think the lessons to be learned as a parent are never-ending; being alone with the kids during this stage of their life isn't an easy thing for you, and I hope that soon both you and Hubby can be together again and each of you playing their roles in your boy's life.
As for your question, I'm the favorite of my dad, and even as a kid, I could tell it had negative effects on my other siblings. I hope that you will continue to find a way to explain to your other sons why their elder brother requires more of your attention than they do. And I believe you will find a way to make them feel as important and loved as much as their elder brother.
You get this sweet Mummy,❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️ and please do not beat yourself up too much.
It have not been easy for both parents to raise their kids not to talk of one parent doing the work alone. Weldone in the work you are doing , you will eventually cope.
Indeed sis
Thank you
This is taken note of my dear...it's a never ending lessons just like you mentioned. Maybe because they are still tender to understand my explanations but I will sure try out your suggestions
I deeply appreciate that, Funshee ♥️🧡
Let me start by saying you are not a terrible mom; there's just so much a parent can do, so stop beating yourself up.
All you need to do is to keep telling your 2nd and 3rd sons why their elder brother gets most of your attention. I believe with time they will get to understand you better.
And whenever you want to spend some time with them, try to create a balance. Let's assume you have 60 minutes to spend with them separately; you can start by giving them 15 minutes each and make it fun-filled, then give the remaining 30 minutes to their elder brother. And also sometimes you can also make them be a part of the time you are spending with their elder.
Let's assume that you are asking your first son, A, is for what?. After he had answered, you can go ahead and also ask his younger brothers even if they already know, and after the answer, you go ahead and clap for all of them.
It can be tiring and overwhelming, but that's the best you can do. Trust God for grace and the Holy Spirit for His guidance.
The Lord is your strength, ma'am 🤗
WOW...these are well loaded wisdom from you. I really appreciate this feedback and will defend apply it
Thank you
Welcome ma 🤗