Have you ever felt like your children are not as good as you?
I know you must feel guilty for your thought. But believe me, you are not alone!
As a Straight A student with some academic awards, I’ve always been among the top of the first in academics throughout my life. But if I lost even one mark or failed to rank first in a class, I would have to witness the disappointment on my parents' faces. I used to feel like I had committed a grave crime!
Due to all these expectations—both social and familial—I began to see myself in a way shaped entirely by these external pressures. I was fortunate enough to study in some of the best schools and universities in the country. People who haven’t been in my position might think, “With such good results and being in such prestigious institutions, how could your parents still be unhappy?”
But the truth? Only I knew it!
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Even though I got admitted to a top-tier university—why did my parents turn away from me just because I missed my preferred subject by 0.10 marks? It was as though I had committed a huge offense. I was ranked 104th, which, to them, was still a failure. Why wasn’t I in the top 100?
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No, I’m not blaming my parents. They’re good people. Perhaps they acted this way because of societal pressure. They wanted the best for me and didn't know any better. Maybe they didn’t even realize how harmful it was for me. They never scolded or hit me. But every single mark I lost meant witnessing their disappointment, feeling like a criminal, and believing I was worthless and incapable.
This idea became so deeply ingrained in my mind that even today, I struggle with my self-esteem.
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I’m sharing this because if you’re a parent, please don’t treat your children this way.
Don’t impose such pressures on them. They will make mistakes, fall behind, and fail at times. It’s your job to guide them through those moments.
Discipline them, yes. Be their guardian, yes. But remember, their lives are theirs to live. They didn’t come into this world to fulfill what you couldn’t achieve.
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Children are one of the greatest blessings, the peace of our eyes, and the joy of our hearts.
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As a mother, I’m extremely sensitive to avoid repeating the kind of behavior my parents exhibited with me. But the harsh reality is, since I was always first, my subconscious mind constantly pushes me to want my child to be first too. If he loses even one mark, I feel upset and angry inside because I grew up seeing such reactions.
But I swallow my anger and disappointment and continuously remind myself to do better. I teach myself every day how to avoid making the same mistakes and to be a better mother.
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Finally, I recommend reading Khalil Gibran’s poem Our Children. It explains so much so beautifully. I’ll include a few lines here:
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."
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I wish all parents and their children to be happy and healthy. May we build a beautiful society together.
Your @peacefulsoul