Tragic death, dealing with overwhelming emotions in front of a loved ones, scared of showing flaws, all over the place thing

If you follow me around, you know when I have an exam life just throws rocks on me, so I’m going to tell you my week and it was a roller coaster especially because I am a little bit of a cold person who can’t feel things in that moment, but feels them after so now I am moments before my period and I’m feeling the things and I’m going to talk about my week behind

Firstly, I am going to talk about the death.
Death of the 15 y o girl/my best friend's sister.
She was allergic to milk.
She had 1 in a million allergic reaction with not just milk but the traces of milk in the food that does not have milk. She was always carrying adrenalin wherever she goes but teenager that just got into first grade of high school so was little bit rebellious and mom as protective as she is could tame her and wanted to trust her even though they had a fight that morning for not wanting to carry that.
Natasha went to school and as a rest of the friends group wanted to eat in the local bakery and as responsible she is, she ordered a croissant without milk. But the problem with her allergic is the trace of the milk in one milli atom was enough for her to start allergic attack. And thats what happened 10 minutes later in the classroom just before class. The professor was in shock and didnt know what to do and when someone starts choking, you dont think that serious of the situation but the problem is she started choking where she couldnt sit or stand and she fell on the ground and that was a time where they called her mom and emergency. Hospital was not responding and mom was telling to professor to pick her up and drive her by himself to the hospital because that was the quiqiest way to get her help. But he was in sock and again I understand him like everyone else in this situation. No one e new about her condition, new school, new friends, new everything. Other professor came and drove her to the hospital but it was late. She fell in coma. She was in coma for 40 days and only 3 days after faaling into it the doctors said that there is not help for her and they shuld donate her organs but ofc parents refused it and didint give up. When doctor was swaying that, on Natasha's face went one tear. The doctors said after that that she can somehow hear and process the nerves coming from abillity to hear.
Next that she got her period and next 30 days nothing was happening. She died with 20kg.

My best friend on the other hand is someone very emotional but very strong and emotionally intelligent so she was dealing with this so strongly but without a fear to feel the emotions and cry in front of me. She was at my work, next to me when she found out. All day she was just being with me, existing but not to much talking and crying, crying so quietly and dignifying. I am so proud of her. She is a warrior.

Now, I am going to talk about some fears and emotions.
I am in a fresh relationship where my boyfriend, very weird to say that, is treating me like a million dollars. And my traumatized ass cant take that. He was talking about moving in together and just seeing if we are completely compatible. When I was at his house after work and we ate together, I could clean or touch anything without my need to have his affirmation that I can do it and do it that way exactly. That is a problem I do carry with me because of a way I was growing and with happening what happened with Natasha and my mum being hospitalized as well last week and me getting period really soon, i started crying my eyes out. He was gentle about and even gave me hugs and silence I always talk I need so felt not a baggage like I do every time I show my fears and let someone just choose to be with me just with who I am. The most beautiful thing when someone know all your faults and and doesn't use them against you but gently loves them.

and now just a little glams of me

Sanja was celebrating her birthday so this is me being cute for that event.

I am not drinking that often and I was really tired by 11pm