Communication skills are something that are vital for our lives, yet how many of us actually spend time building our skillset? And it is more than just for getting what we want across, it is also being able to listen and understand, and react accordingly. If we aren't paying attention, our reactions are likely to be inadequate or invalid, causing more communication and interpersonal struggles. Yet, in a world of screen living, our general communication skills are decreasing, and we are becoming increasingly "void shouters" like on social media, saying what we want to anyone who will listen, regardless of whether they are our target audience or if what we say is harmful.
The other day, I wrote a post about best intentions and how if people assumed best intentions in what is said unless there is reason to assume otherwise, there would be far less conflict and far more open dialogue possible. However, one of the things that has constantly been pushed is that we should avoid discussing or saying anything that might be contentious or taken the wrong way, until we know someone.
I disagree.
It isn't that I go out of my way to be provoking, but when talking to adults, I assume they are emotionally controlled, well-adjusted and self-confident enough that even if I say something that might offend them, they will have a measured reaction. This way, we can be open with each other and then discuss conflicting points of view and test boundaries.
I think this culture where we are meant to protect everyone before we know them holds our communication back, especially where we punish people for saying the "wrong thing" for an individual, even though there is no way to know what is right or wrong before it has been said. It bottlenecks conversation, but worse than that, it assumes that people are incapable of having adult conversations.
This might be true.
But has it always been the case, or is it a new phenomena?
We are creatures of habit and when we wrap each other in cotton wool, tip toe around assuming people are emotionally immature and protect everyone from anything that could make them uncomfortable, the result is that our resilience goes down and we become triggered at lower and lower thresholds. Our coping ability atrophies and we become thinner-skinned, more reactive and feel increasingly victimized by the world around us. This creates a less cooperative and more combative environment, which slows or halts collaboration and innovation, and all of the compounding factors that apply.
Are you a child?
If we don't practice emotional control and we are unable to regulate our responses to discomfort, we are very much acting like children, crying when things don't go our way.
We seem to have forgotten that the "co" part of communication comes from sharing, it is not a one way street. Communication is about transmission and reception, meaning that both sides need to cooperate in order for there to be clarity and minimized conflict. Instead of cooperating in the discussion, the receiver is looking to block the message, if it comes in a form that they are uncomfortable with. This means that valuable information can't be gathered, because people are focusing on the noise, with the noise being personal preference of the receiver.
This doesn't mean that the transmission is always well thought out and valid, but assuming best intentions is to assume that regardless of the form, the person felt that what they were saying was worth saying. So, rather than dismissing things and seeing it as an attack of some sort, it is possible to extract the value and then mention that their are better ways to communicate going forward.
Sounds like an adult conversation, doesn't it?
Essentially, what we are doing here is widening our communication medium tolerance, so that rather than only being narrow band wave receivers, we are able to pull in valuable messaging from a variety of sources. We all have different transmission styles, so excluding all the ones that don't fit our receiver preference, means missing out on a lot, as well as feeling constantly disappointed, uncomfortable and attacked - even though that was never the intention of the transmitter.
As said, communication skills are vital for our lives and the better we are at the various aspects of communication, the better our life experience, as we have improved relationships, opportunities and a sense of feeling relevant, in a world that encourages isolation. Yet, we aren't encouraged to work on our skills and our cultural behaviors do not naturally support their improvement, which means that we have to take control of our skill journey ourselves, and find ways to make the most of the resources we have, even if they don't come in the ideal form for our preference.
I wonder who is listening.
And what they are hearing.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Good point here that communication is both speaking and listening. All too often people want to work on the talking bit without taking the time to focus on being a better listener.
It is "toast masters", not "toast listeners" :)
Void shouters is a great term. They say 90% of communication is non-verbal and with the pandemic digitizing many relationships the past couple of years you have to wonder what kind of effect that has had on communication (or miscommunication) overall.
And the digital communication loses a great deal of what is required to build relationship trust.
I remember a conversation with middle child about something along those lines and making assumptions and sometimes you just have to deal with uncomfortable topics and talking to disagreeable people in an agreeable fashion.
Though it does seem the agreeable fashion part is a hard task for some.
Maybe we shouldn't trust easily, but we can assume best intentions first still. This way, we can still voice our opinions, but we aren't instantly fighting back, because we aren't under attack.
That's usually what I encourage (assume that everyone is ignorant and looking to share information/opinions not stupid/malicious/wilfully stupid and ignorant).
If we talk about all types of communication then i think these skills still need to be balanced in the younger generation .Nowadays everybody is busy in their life and communication skills are gone amongst family members or friends all due to upgrading to 5G technology. .
The more digitally reliant we become, the less humanly skilled.
It seems like anymore everyone listens with the intention to respond, not to understand. I have even found myself fall into this trap sometimes. It seems like people in leadership positions especially can fall into this trap too. As they are expected more and more to provide answers rather than guide it seems. Instead of just listening and allowing the individual to work out their own challenge and guiding them, they are expected to provide them an eanswwer. So that becomes their go-to when listening.
I am like this too, far too much. I am getting much better now though, since I think so much more slowly :)
We live in a world of answer giving and getting, so we fall into the habit of not listening just to listen.
I hear you...lol...
I personally feel that while it's crucial to encourage emotional maturity and open dialogue, we should also be mindful of the impact of our words and the need for a balance between assuming maturity in others and creating a safe space for expression.
Either way, enjoyed your thought provoking post once again! 😁
Safe space for expression means being able to trust that the audience is assuming best intentions. At the moment, it is safe place for listeners, encouraging nothing to be said.
Completely agreeing with you on this.
Safe spaces are environments where individuals feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and opinions without fear of judgment or reprisal. Sadly, today's society is too quick to judge 😢
Balancing the needs of both speakers and listeners is crucial for fostering a truly inclusive and constructive environment.
I agree with you that walking on eggshells around everybody stifles communication tremendously. As far as you're both adults, everyone should be able to speak in a measured way and have measured responses either.
I can't count how many friendships/relationships end because we can't just say what's on our minds.
I dislike the feeling that I have to tiptoe around broken minds, because they aren't willing to work on themselves. They think that the people who upset them are the problem, but it is the person who is easily upset that does the damage.
I am more frank and direct. I used to keep quiet so as not to hurt people, but the years go by, experience shapes us and now I don't keep quiet, direct to the point, as we say in my native country.
Remember, there is a difference between direct and to the point, and being right :)
Ever since internet has hit the home. I think emotion control is a big topic. I am sure if one generation is raised under Instagram, we would be needing the emotional control in the school. Like AI is already going to make us consumers even further so emotion control is an interesting topic that would be part of the educational world in near future.
Emotional control also means impulse control, something that social media doesn't want, as it limits impulse buys.
I didn't found any right words that will elaborate my ideas. I think each person has this ability but express their views as they think is sometimes became difficult.
Take your time and invest your time in building your ideas and presenting them well. It makes a huge difference in life.
I think people just need to be okay with having differing opinions. Not everything needs to be discussed and debated. It's pretty unlikely either person is going to change their mind anyway. Especially these days when issues are so polarizing and so tied to perceived moral lines.
The problem comes when people get upset at talking about normal things, or at jokes that might not land well on a particular person, for a personal reason. It doesn't have to be something contentious, to create conflict.
Yeah, I get that.
I think that communication skills are related to genetical, psychological and personal growth factors. One of my friend is a good hair dresser, but it is sometimes difficult to understand what he means, what he tries to do.
Everything has a genetic component to it. Yet, not everything is dictated completely by genetics. When it comes to communication skills, some might have many naturally, but everyone can develop.
Communication skills are underrated, without proper communication skills. The world becomes a prison without walls.
Poor communication skills give others power over you, such that anyone can get away with doing one wrong and ones points and arguments will never be heard. Breeding missed opportunities to correct a wrong
Poor emotional skills too. When someone is reactive, they can be led very easily.