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!LOLZ

How do you genetically modify ducks?
Dump coca cola in the lake, because its quacktacular!!!!

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no creo que hablen de marcianos al ataque una película cómica

no seria mala idea una película cómica espacial

es feo vivir con el temor de las zondas

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!LOLZ

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age.
The next day she locked me in the cellar

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!LOLZ

Scrabble
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.

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!LOLZ

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

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!LOLZ

What’s Scooby Doos’ favorite drink?
Mountain Dooby Doo

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!LOLZ

Did you hear about the Irish guy who was assasinated at the antique store?
It was a knick knack paddywhack!

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I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography.
Sigh. That's the story of my life.

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!LOLZ

There are II kinds of people
Those who understand Roman numerals and those who don't

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!LOLZ

This guy said he was going to attack me with his guitar.
I said is that a fret?

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!LOLZ

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with storytelling.
I wonder how the next chapter in my life will go.

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I really love video games where you go for an deep sea adventuring.
They're just so immersive.

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!LOLZ

My friend got a heart transplant but regretted it immediately.
You could say he had a change of heart.

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!LOLZ

A man tried to sell me a coffin today.
I told him that's the last thing I need.

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!LOLZ

Archaeology
Now there is a career in ruins.

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!LOLZ

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.

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Why didn’t the mathematician travel?
He could never reach the city limit.

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!LOLZ

Why did the scarecrow win an Oscar ?
He was best in his field .

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Did you hear about the cartoonist being investigated?
Police on the case say he has a sketchy past.

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Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.

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!LOLZ

Why are bass guitarists always safe?
Because they stay out of treble.

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Hotel receptionists are creepy.
They spend all day checking people out.

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I hate Russian dolls
they’re so full of themselves.

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!LOLZ

I needed to buy a new pan to stir fry a large meal
I decided to go for a wok.

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!LOLZ

I asked my dog what's two minus two.
He said nothing.

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Hot singles in your area?
You need someone to fix their air conditioner.

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What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
A taxidermist takes only your skin.

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My friend got a heart transplant but regretted it immediately.
You could say he had a change of heart.

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I called the Tinitutus Helpline.
It didn't stop ringing.

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My doctor said he could help me stop dreaming of cows playing football
I asked him to wait till after finals.

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Why did the alcoholic go to the doctors office?
Because he thought there would be shots.

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Scrabble
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.

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Did you hear about the alarm clock convention?
Total snooze fest.

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!LOLZ

Have you heard about the Angel of Death that’s not so intelligent?
The Dim Reaper?

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!LOLZ

A taxi driver was getting flirty with a woman in a bar.
At the end of the night he took her back to her place.

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Why do astronauts use Linux?
Because they can’t open windows in space.

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!LOLZ

I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn’t stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.

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!LOLZ

How do you genetically modify ducks?
Dump coca cola in the lake, because its quacktacular!!!!

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!LOLZ

My father wants me to study law and be a good lawyer
He needs me to get him out of jail.

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!LOLZ

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?
They're both Paris sites.

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What do you call a witch's garage?
A broom closet.

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Ever seen a blacksmith join two metal sheets?
It's riveting

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!LOLZ

We all need to learn to live with our mistakes.
Which is why I still live with my parents.

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What do you call moving from the west coast to the east coast?
A depression.

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Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?
It's a little meteor

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My Uncle used to work in a circus as a human cannonball.
They eventually fired him.

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