Just randomly take pictures of things in your fridge instead
lol, not a bad idea… except I'm living in a tent in the woods at the moment, and don't own any fridges. Guess it's time to start breaking into homes and taking pictures of the things in strangers' fridges!
Dude you could just get a uniform and call yourself The Fridge Inspector. That way people will let you in and allow you take the things out you feel should not be in there. Photos, free food, new friends; best job ever.
I like it. Nobody's cheese will ever be safe again around these parts! And the bacon, gonna be saving everyone everywhere from the bacon for sure!
Tell them the story about Bacon Poisoning. Works every time...
Yes, of course. I'll have to put together a whole manual of horrifying food stories. I'll stick them all in a big black 3-ring binder with a big scary title like "FEAR YOUR FRIDGE" and I'll probably want to show up in a full hazmat suit too. Also I will need one of those vans with no windows. And a mustache.
I know you mentioned the binder; do not forget the clipboard.
And if some decline the invitation, stuff their mailbox full of pamphlets stating the dangers lurking inside the refrigerator. But do not give them your real name.
Oh of course, it will be one of those 3-ring binders with a big pocket on the inside where I can stuff the clipboard. But the clipboard will be just big enough to stick out even when the binder is closed. There will be several Bic pens and they will all be red. I will print the pamphlets in all-caps Comic sans on puke-green paper. My name is Frank N. Stein and I am The Fridge Inspector!
Okay. By the sounds of it, you're ready to hit the fridges. Make us proud!