It was a calm evening in the apartment complex, except in one particular unit where Kunle sat, staring at his laptop screen in frustration. His Wi-Fi had been down for two days, and the customer service reps kept assuring him that the "technical team was working on it." He had no more data, no patience, and most importantly—no football match to stream.
His neighbor, Tunde, was the only one in the building with a stable internet connection, but there was a problem—Tunde guarded his Wi-Fi password like a state secret. No one had cracked it yet. Not even Shade, the sweet-talking lady from Apartment 3, who had once tried to flirt her way to access.
Kunle sighed. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He called his friend, Emma, the self-proclaimed hacker of the group.
"Emma, I need you," Kunle whispered dramatically over the phone.
"Ah, Kunle, if this is about borrowing money, my account is still under spiritual attack," Emma replied.
Kunle rolled his eyes. "Not money. I need you to help me get Tunde’s Wi-Fi password."
There was silence, then a deep breath. "Meet me outside his door in five minutes."
The mission began. Emma had a plan. He would pretend to be an internet service provider doing a "security check." Kunle, meanwhile, would distract Tunde by engaging him in conversation about his favorite topic—conspiracy theories.
Kunle knocked on Tunde’s door, and as soon as it opened, he launched into action.
"Tunde! Have you heard? The government is using Wi-Fi signals to read our thoughts!"
Tunde gasped. "I knew it! That’s why my dreams have been extra weird lately. Tell me more!"
As Tunde was deep in discussion, Emma slipped inside, pretending to inspect the router. He pressed a few buttons, scribbled some numbers on his palm, and tiptoed out of the apartment.
Moments later, Kunle joined him outside. "Did you get it?"
Emma grinned and entered the password on Kunle’s laptop. He pressed ‘Enter’—and nothing happened. Access Denied.
Kunle frowned. "What? But I saw you writing something!"
Emma showed him his palm. Instead of a password, it read: ‘Buy bread before coming home – Mum.’
They both groaned.
Just then, Tunde’s door swung open. "Kunle, I just realized something. If Wi-Fi signals can read my thoughts, does that mean the government already knows I watched that reality show I swore I hated?"
Kunle sighed. "Tunde, I think they know a lot more than that."
Tunde looked around suspiciously, then leaned in. "You need Wi-Fi, don’t you?"
Kunle hesitated but nodded.
Tunde smirked and pulled out his phone. "You could’ve just asked, bro. I charge only ₦500 per hour."
Kunle and Emma stared at him in disbelief.
"Capitalism is a disease," Emma muttered.
And that was how Kunle ended up paying his own neighbor for Wi-Fi.