It does sound like you have a plan, which is excellent. Keep learning those skills as much as you can. Importantly, don't abandon your health - both physical and mental. Without your health, there's not much else. It may not be easy, but it's essential that you make some time for exercise and to visit a doctor. This can help keep you stronger longer so that you can travel as you wish to do.
It is within reach. I want you remember that despite your life circumstances, and even if things do not turn out perfect, you still have the power to lead your life in the direction that you're planning, and make the best of the cards you're dealt. You have to be brave enough to make it happen while you're still able to do it. Tel yourself every day, with vigor and sincerity, that this is doable. Do this until you truly believe it - and then do it!
I always had the plans, I am kind of like that cat that lives on it's own but I always got my plans punched in the face due to family and the circumstances. So no matter how hard I try roads get blocked. Hope I get peace.
I sense a bit of defeatism in how you seem to approach this. If you're cutting off the people who have caused you trouble, then you're free to carve your own path. The roadblocks... you can go around them by doing things your way. After all, there's nothing to lose at this point, right?
I think what you need to do is take the big jump to do things as you wish to do them. Fear holds you back (and I understand this - many people are held back by fear of a big change). However, if the only other way out would be the end of life, wouldn't it make sense to instead make the big change so that you can live life in a way that's better for you?
I think you deserve to make such a change for yourself.
Now, it's not something that will necessarily happen immediately, and I think you can use the support of others to help you out. It's important for you to have a support system. Come join the Discord of the group I'm running (FreeCompliments) and we'll support you as you try to live your life your own way. That way, you'll never be alone. How does that sound?
Thanks for the kind words, I joined the discord. :)
Glad to have you there! I want you to learn to believe in the changes you can make, and that there are people out there who are willing to help you see things through. 💪
A small step at a time.