Healing is a slow process and maybe now you find many things you did in the past futile and maybe you feel like living one day at a time (which is a good thing for now), but at some point, you will start planning and chasing goals again. You can never forget the experience you went through, it will mark you for life, but after the grief period passes and all the bad thoughts fade away, you will return to... life. Maybe not exactly the same as before, because such experiences change people, but being the goal-driven person that you are, you will probably still be drawn to that. Tragically, your brother is gone. But you are not! And he would want you to find your inner peace and keep going.