And here you are now; attending your own book signing event. It is you in the spotlight now. It is you who will be acknowledged to have successfully written a fine novel. “For Such Beauty Withers So Quickly”—what a fascinating emblem engraved on your newly published book. Sadly, I am not the one to be there. I was only a hall away from your book signing event. But I knew so much, that you did not know. Just like the way you danced with me the night before. You swayed me to your rhythm and made me believe of the things I never thought would have effect on me. But I knew very much that you did not know. You only knew of to love and to hate but never the magic in between.
“Are you having a good time?” he went to my table the night of his father’s book signing just right after dinner.
“Splendid,” I sarcastically remarked.
For the first time during that night, it was not Williams nor was it Mozart playing through the speakers. It was an intervention of the night. Magic was playing through the speakers. It spoke of my intimately favored Bee Gees song; an instrumental rendition of it.
“That’s a big change,” I said as I looked up to see the glowing lights of the chandelier from just above. But it was really the music that I had acknowledged and not the lights of the chandelier.
I looked back at you and you gave me that intensely fiery smirk of yours. Our eyes had met so amorously as if we were to make love throughout the night in just one blink of our eyes.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked. It was the question of forever or never for me. And with my insanity, I had agreed.
You held me in that moment and gave me space to breathe. You took me to your realm and we moved. We were so close yet so distant that all we ever knew about each other, for that night was that we both did not like ketchup on our chicken. But that did not erase the fact that the magic had centered on our dance. We were as close as love while dancing with no space in between us. It felt as if it was all a dream. I remember pressing my head against your chest since you were taller than me. And I heard it.
The beating of your heart was so intense that I could have sworn our hearts were beating in sync. It was a moment of yes and no but more often than not, it was a yes. It made me feel as though, you have made me feel it before. Everything felt afloat and so perfect. And just when I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life, the song had ended. I pushed you away. You even asked if things were okay. It wasn’t. I wasn’t. I wasn’t ready for this.
“I’m sorry,” I remember saying back then.
The moment felt as if the chandelier from above us had crashed between us, leaving a huge gap; an enormous moment wasted.
“Is everything okay here, Miss Adams?” someone came and interrupted my thoughts.
I did not realize that I had my eyes closed while reminiscing just about everything. I gave a reserved smile and nodded. I looked from across the hall once more. The book has been launched. I let out an imaginary clapping of my hands in my mind, hoping that telepathy would work tonight. I knew it wouldn’t.
I was still looking through the glass, to the next hall. He looked so happy. I could remember his face so much as if it were only days ago that we had danced under the lights of the chandelier. He looked older now but still the same person as I remember. I knew he wasn’t who other people thought he was back then. He was not a rebel on the run. He was just mistaken.
Only then have I realized, over the lost years, I am not who people took me to be back then either. Only then have I realized, that the real rebel on the run is me.
He hugs his wife and his two beautiful children from the other hall. I close my eyes to defend myself from reality. But I also open them immediately. I had to look again, I held my glass of champagne and toasted to them from the other side.
“For love so deep, in one night of intimacy dies in years of success and excellency. I regret to never forget that you have forgotten all about me. But alas, I am but happy that you are happy. Congrats, Mr. Gall,” I whisper to myself and drink my champagne.
No sooner than that had I asked for the check, I came out of the restaurant and looked up as I did during that night on my way back. Only now, I am not crying. The stars looked bluer before, than now. They looked whiter tonight. And at that moment, I took my flight.
I passed by a music store on my way home and looked for the same CD I had looked for that night from back then. They still have it, I thought. I bought it and inserted it in my Walkman, put my headphones on and drowned in my sadness.
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