I enjoyed playing those games with you. I must admit, the "Go" was difficult for me, maybe a smaller board and that same handicap may help me. I was also surprised i lost in the horde, I already calculated to pick all the pawns from behind and hold the front pawns with my king and knight. That crucial move you made just crumbled everything, it was really a strong move!
What are you afraid of?
Losing can be depressing. Your post reminds me about a chess tournament I played 6 years ago when i was 15. It was a build up tournament to the national u-16 championship, I was doing well till the penultimate round where I lost. I came 5th. Fast forward to the junior championship a week later, my coach spent hours trying to raise my spirits, I was really down, I feared I would lose again. I feared I would lose to that same opponent, i wanted to play that opponent as early as possible, so my fate would be determined.
It happened that I won the championships and I didn't even get to play him because he was having a bad tournament. Ever since then, before every tournament, I prepare psychologically,mentally and strategically because sometimes you don't have to be the better player to win, mindset plays a role.
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