It is almost that time of year again - the Christmas calendar time of year. My wife is far more Christmassy than I am, but one of the traditions I do enjoy is the advent presents we get for Smallsteps, though it is getting harder and more expensive than it has been in previous years. We started doing the small present every day of December after moving into this house, where they really were very small things, with a couple "larger" gifts interspersed, with large still being quite low value, but slightly higher than for example, a lollipop.
What we have done in previous years though is to wrap and number each present and each day Smallsteps would find and then open one, excited more by the process than anything that was actually inside. This year however, we aren't very organized, which means that last night I went and bought a Christmas stocking and a couple small things to tide us over until we can get to the shops and buy the rest.
The first gift is something I really hope she will use, not only because it is likely also going to be the most expensive of the gifts - a 2023 calendar. There is a small space for each day in there which would normally be used for scheduling, but I am hoping that she will write a few words about what she did that day and I think I will give her some ideas to make it more interesting for her, where for example, she can add one word that sums up a particular day, rather than just listing what she has done.
Whatever she does with it though, she has already expressed interest in wanting to do this, though it has been in random books and on scraps of paper. Having it in a purpose-built single place should help her though and will hopefully keep her engaged. What I plan on doing though is making some kind of routine around filling it each day, which means I am going to have to put it into my calendar too, otherwise we will both let it slide.
I delivered a session today to a group of colleagues who are professionals and very experienced in what they do, but who have some trouble integrating some new internal processes into their existing ways of working. A common problem. One of the arguments is that it doesn't come across as natural when they try, which means that they feel inauthentic when delivering what isn't comfortable. However, as I reminded them, isn't this always the issue when changing our behavior, aren't we always uncomfortable?
Being uncomfortable seems to be seen as a negative and will lead to worse results, when actually, it can break habits that aren't working but feel they are instead. Just because what we are doing is comfortable, it doesn't we should be doing it, nor does it mean that we are getting the best results we can get. And, this is the case no matter how much experience we may have.
I think professionals find it harder to make changes to their professional processes, not because there is less to change or low value in the changes, but because they have not only built up experience and muscle memory, but also get emotionally attached to the way they do things. One of my colleagues for example, said that sometimes he feels that there is too much focus on process, but not enough on results, but didn't seem to see the "irony" in what was being said. If the results were good enough, it would mean that the processes are good enough. However, if the results aren't good enough, it means that the processes will need to be changed to affect results, or at least, bring consistent results.
Good process doesn't guarantee good outcomes, but good process will on average outperform random approaches, but building good processes isn't comfortable. This is especially true when we have attached our identity to the way we do things, because even if we have the desire to change, the process of change doesn't feel like "us" - it is clunky and unnatural and our body signals to us that we should go back to what we know.
What we know.
It can be quite different to what we should do, can't it?
But, we can overcome some of the discomfort f there is enough desire to change or, get better results. This is a challenge in the workplace because a lot of people tend not to take the results they get in the workplace, as personal results. It is almost like when people act at work, they disconnect themselves from what they are doing, as if it is something separate from who they are. This is an interesting situation though, because if they are doing this, it essentially means that they should also be able to make any change to the process without being personally connected to what they are currently doing, but that is not the case.
This disconnection where people feel that their work processes is theirs, but the results they get are the company's, is part of the reason there is so much resistance to change in workplaces. But, if there is a good change process implemented, the two positions get discussed and the integration of change affecting results is far smoother, but it means creating that desire for change, which is the "what's in it for me?" position.
Unfortunately, unlike for Smallsteps, there isn't a daily prize for doing the right thing or making changes and in general, the changes in the workplace are more gradual, so they don't have a large payoff of result that is immediately attributable to the changes in behavior. However, they do have an impact and even small shifts in our processes can have a large impact on the outcomes we are looking to accomplish, not only for the organization, but also for the individual. Getting there might not be comfortable.
A bit at a time.
This is the way valuable personal change happens, where small steps consistently and repeatedly will lead onto the kinds of changes that will not only help improve our outcomes, but also become habit, become routine - feel like us.
I remember learning to drive and how the first time I was on the road and trying to steer, clutch, change gears, brake and indicate all within the space of 50 meters felt like an impossible task. I remember the discomfort and a type of fear as to how unnatural it was and that feeling that I will never be able to get it right. But, a few hours of practice later, it felt like I had been doing it my entire life - driving was just something I could do thoughtlessly.
Everything we do is process based, whether we know the processes or not, but if we want to get better results, we may have to force it to begin with, become uncomfortable again, or perhaps for somethings, for the first time. While we al want to get better results, what is good to remember is that the results look after themselves, all we can really affect is the way we work toward them.
I am hoping Smallsteps will onboard writing into her daily routines because I think if she does it well, every day she will find new ways to tweak her processes and improve her own results.
A gift every day.
I believe that having habits that facilitate continuous improvement, is one of the most valuable personal processes we can build and it is far more than just learning something new each day.
Valuable doesn't mean comfortable.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
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Today I also got an early gift. It seems that Euroleague final 4 will be in my city after all. Now all that is left is for my team to get there...
What are the chances of them making it?
I was happy to see Australia go through to the next round at the WC.
Right now we are in 6 place with 6 wins and 4 losses. So if the season would end now we would advance to playoffs. But so far only about a third of regular season games have been played. So anything could happen.
Yeah, congrats on the going through! That needs a
!BEER
I hit and killed a dog when I was learning to drive. Did I learn to drive more carefully? Nope. Not until I had totalled two cars did I slow down and drive far more thoughtfully. Ones compensations for inexperience vary with the individual. I wonder if you see different results from individuals who forge ahead without fearing failure, or from those who resist change.
I hope smallsteps gets into writing daily. I have never been able to carry on with that little task for long, but you sure have the knack for it.
That is interesting - my sister is a confident driver - no matter how many accident s she has had...
This is a good question and I am not sure what the answer is - but I assume there is also a survivorship bias in there too.
It helped me come to my senses that both times I had a couple of kids in the car. Once the car flipped over onto its hood! There we three were, buckled in and hanging upside down. The second time I was exhausted from family trauma, and should not have been driving at all. But stuff needed doing! There was the family trauma I had to handle! Hopefully your sister at least wears her seat belt and makes others do it too.
That's crazy!!
Don't confuse confident with competent, especially when talking about driving. Being confident might be the reason why she gets into accidents. i.e. I can squeeze my massive SUV between that tiny gap...!LOLZ
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He lost interest.
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It is very real. Once we get used to one activity, our body or mind does not want to change to another activity. We have a saying here, man is a slave to habit. So maybe once we get used to something it doesn't change easily.
When we becomes slaves to anything, it ends up costing us more than we want to pay.
The season of Christmas is a period to have fun and make memories with family. Having in mind the birth of our Lord Jesu Christ. It is good you've taken a step in getting gift. Have it in mind that the little things we do really matters, and it will be appreciated. Merry Christmas to you and your family in advance.
I am not Christian nor religious at all. I just like good food :)
Dear my friend @tarazkp!
I guess you want Smallsteps to write every day!
Perhaps you believe that she will learn something new as she writes every day!
By the way, I remember that last Christmas, you dressed up as Santa Claus and gave presents to your family and your wife's parents, siblings.
Will you do the same this Christmas?😃
I didn't dress up, but someone in the family did. I don't think it will happen this year though.
Well said. Unfortunately, showing appreciation and empathy is often overlooked by leaders. Sometimes a simple, heart-felt "Thank you" is all it takes to make the difference.
I think that one of the good things at the company I work for is, we have a culture of thanking people well.
That's awesome .. 👍👍
Talk about a group of people not being open to change. Teachers are the worst. They want to keep doing things the same way they always have and they can't wrap their minds around the fact that kids brains are different these days. The old way doesn't work 80% of the time like it used to. That is awesome the habit you are hoping to get the little one into. Proper journaling when you are older is such a good self care tool.
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Teachers are evil humans.
Often the attitude is "if only we could go back" but since we can't we have to change going forward.
It is a good tradition to give gifts to children every day before Christmas. I read your post right after listening to an audio story by Irving Shaw (eyes rested for 40 minutes in the dark). The story was sad, reminded me that childhood is a happy time.
I don't know Irving Shaw, but I assume that a little reminiscing can help revive - a little like meditation.
It may be like meditation. I plunge into a new story, I notice small details of that time, new thoughts appear. Each step we take determines the next steps.
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I think people are just resistant to change unless they are forced to and it's tough to get them to change. I would also be uncomfortable with doing new tasks but I do understand that you can't avoid it. So it's best to just learn it and get used to it.
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We sometimes have this feeling at work as well. We think the way we do something correctly is correct and we get attached to it. Perhaps, trying a new method or a change would make us discomforable because it might break our daily work routine.
This tradition of the daily regall is beautiful. My wife and I also have a similar one, but as a gift, there is a sweet treat a day on the calendar. Then she, knowing of my passion for lego, gave me the lego advent calendar... a different construction every day! I totally agree on the empowering habits speech!