A friend of mine who is going through an amicable divorce (many aren't), is now reflecting back on a lot of things in the last few years, "warning signs" that it was heading this way. But one of the things they are also realizing, is just how much financial conditions affected their willingness to end the relationship. I think this is common.
It seems to be that when people are feeling financially vulnerable, they are less likely to instigate the end of a relationship, due the disruption it causes to the finances. A shared home and associated costs splitting into two homes and going it alone. New furniture, replacement content, perhaps another car - the level of financial stress increases. But when someone feels more secure financially, this is less a consideration. Money can increase confidence and boldness.
Is this why so many people who get newly rich, turn into dickheads?
That aside, it is interesting that while money isn't everything, a lot of our decisions in life are made on whether we have it or not, including those of our relationships. I clearly remember that when my ex and I broke up after about six years together and after buying an apartment, it was hard, but one of my biggest concerns was what I would do financially. It wasn't about missing her, or thinking we were suited together, it was about how I was going to pay the bills. As a result, the entire "break up" lasted less than a week, as I realized that at this point, I was in it for the wrong reasons, and even if we had stayed together, at some point down the road when I was more financially confident, I would have left anyway.
Rip off the bandaid fast.
Similarly to our relationships, a lot of us choose careers based on financial considerations, rather than on our own skills or suitability. We want a job that pays well, but many who make a decision on salary expectation alone, will find that they struggle to engage themselves in the job, meaning that not only do they like it less, but they are also less likely to make as much, since their passion isn't strong enough to stand out and advance along the career path.
Again, I feel that when I chose "Business" as my university degree, I was making a decision based on potential future earnings. In this case, it wasn't about a salary expectation value, it was about flexibility, as the degree could fit into any industry. However, this is also a drawback, as there is no specialization and lots of competition, plus, I am far from gifted in the areas that would matter for career advancement in this area. If I could go back, I would likely get into psychology and psychoanalysis instead - which would be an interest area and have a lot of career opportunity right now.
It is interesting though, isn't it? How many of our decisions in life (big and small) center around how we feel about our financial situation now and in the future. While when I write about these things here, there are people who say they are "above this", I get a strong feeling that if we were able to get a good look at their lives, they would be much the same. And it can present in many different ways, where it is also going to affect who we date, whether we have kids, what hobbies our kids do, what their experiences are going to include, whether we travel, what hobbies we have ourselves and as mentioned, whether we break up or stay together.
It would be interesting to see some kind of objective ratio of the decisions we have made in our life and the affect our financial position at the time had on them. For example, I knew I wanted to be with my wife from the moment I saw her on the dancefloor, but I also had a strong feeling that I wasn't in a good enough financial position to provide for her, so she could be comfortable. It doesn't matter if it is relevant or not, it still makes an impact. But one thing I wouldn't do, is embellish my position, because if I wanted to have a solid relationship, it couldn't be based on false impressions.
Yet, if we have a look at culture now, false impressions are rewarded with attention. Social media is driven by views of fake lives, purporting to be true, where all the influencers are on holiday all of the time, and money isn't a concern at all. But, is that the case? Unlikely. And, other than the fraction that can live off their earnings and have enough to cover a life of luxury, the majority are getting into debt, trying to build a followership on fake representation. It is no wonder that so many of them run into emotional struggles.
And I wonder what kind of impact that falsified life for strangers has on a relationship, or perhaps, both people in the relationship are both faking it for attention. Is it a healthy dynamic, and is it one that leads to lasting relationships? I don't think so, but it would be interesting to see some numbers in a decade or two from now, as to whether the average influencer of today, is happy in their life, or not.
I feel that for many reasons, the value of relationships have been degraded, often because of the shift toward a more transactional, money-driven incentive. And, that is enabled through faking it to making it, which will also impact on personal relationships also in many ways.
Whatever it is, I think that our financial position and our mindset around it are going to impact on our decisions in pretty much every aspect of our lives that matter. I think that those who believe they themselves aren't affect, might want to review the decisions that they have made in the past, and consider whether there really was some kind of financial influence.
Money might not buy us happiness, but it likely affects many of the conditions of our lives that can bring us joy. So, ignoring the impacts it could have, doesn't mean money doesn't affect us.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
I have come to realize we are all pretenders to a certain extent. None of us really know what we are doing and we are all just guessing and trying and handling it differently.
Money isn’t everything but it is the only thing that works at the grocery store and ranks up there in importance with oxygen.
Something that central to all that we do certainly has to become central to our decisions. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing as assessing risk and considering consequences makes for better decision making.
Plus, when things go wrong, we can simply blame the evil dollar for the outcome rather than learn from the situation! ;)
I think the blame on money is misguided (though fiat is nonsense), as people are confused as to its tool-like nature. They don't consider that without money, their lives would be far harder, especially if they have to trade their skills directly - and most people don't have tradeable skills, they have collaborative skills that require working with others for the outcome.
Yet, I don't like how so many people seem to think that they are above money, as if they don't need it to be happy. Technically, none of us do, but try living without it practically, and most will realize that life isn't easier, or better.
Seems to me that a great many choices we make lead us away from our best selves because of this.
I got lucky. I pursued a great passion of mine, food, against both the wishes of my family and societal expectations of someone like me, highly educated in academia. I married, bought real estate, and opened businesses with a man I was not suited for, because I could not bring myself to hurt him by not marrying him. For decades, I wanted out of the marriage, but financially could not manage it, until I could. Once we were stable financially, I ended that union, after 27 years. I realized either it would happen someday or I would be unhappily married for the rest of my life. Fortunately we could do it when we were both still fairly young, healthy, and financially sound.
Some of my choices were dictated by money, but not all. Hm. Food for thought here.
I think so. I reckon it breaks down a lot of the relationships needed for a community.
Obviously a very big decision, but once made, was there relief after? I have heard for some people in similar situations, afterward was the first time they felt they could really breathe in a long time.
Lucky you have a lot of experience with food ;)
haha!
The end of my marriage got spectacularly complicated. Turned out, he wasn't healthy at all, and would soon start showing symptoms of ALS. It then became financially prudent for us to remain married, although we lived apart and estranged, more estranged than we would have been had he not become sick and had we divorced. Our staying married was dictated by financial, especially insurance, concerns. While I was in a terrible position socially as the estranged wife of a dying man, so that there was no relief at all there (it was awful actually), remaining married benefitted me financially greatly in the end - money started pouring in after his death. I did not expect that! There was great relief there, and I had plenty of money to get two kids through expensive colleges and up and running on their own financial feet.
Insurance is another trap that causes us to behave against our own self interests as human beings. Money, as we use it today, is an enslavement tool. I don't think a method of exchange is inherently evil, but our money has been usurped by slave masters, and it looks to me as though even greater attempts to enslave us via finances are well underway globally. Hang on!
That sounds like a terrible situation.
Why was this?
As a mother of three minors, I received generous monthly checks for each of them from social security, and another for myself; I was unexpectedly swimming in mostly tax free money. Along with all his assets becoming mine (mostly real estate by that time) and life insurance, I suddenly had plenty of money, after a few years of not being able to make ends meet. Thank goodness. We needed that relief. Watching him die was awful, and extremely stressful. Was I lucky? No, but at least I had enough money.
Money might not buy us happiness,
Mmmmmm sometimes yes, AND i said a Lot of times the money get a dosis of dopamine to been AND feel happiness.
Happy sunday Bro.
Enjoy small step.
Hombre manito , espero que estés bien , has estado inactivo , no qiero molestar , solamente quiero saber si estás bien .
Spending feels good, when we feel we have enough to spend.
I was reminded of an old expression after I arrived at your last paragraph; the expression stated that "money is not everything, but money is the main thing".
As a tool, money has influenced all aspects of a person's life. You will not be able to decide anything if you don't have money in your hands.
In my place, as a developing country, if you leave the door of your house, from the first step you take, it will cost you money.
So people will only leave their homes if they have money in their wallets, or they will not leave their homes if they have the money to have their lunch delivered to their door.
An interesting observation. And I agree - without money, we generally become somewhat prisoner of conditions, unable to have access to the opportunities we might need and want to improve our lives.
Money is just an object, either paper or electronic, but the fact remains that "Money Speaks".
And, at times, it can be our voice.
I think we are just going in full circle with relationships. Like maybe this idea of them being transactional was akin to past times during the hardships of labor and keeping up in a constant state of terror because of violence. Maybe all the things happening around have kicked back some of that instinct.
But it is true that financial stability plays an important role on keeping a relationship going smoothly. It isn't all of it, but money is important in life just as it is living.
Though social media tends to be a factor accelerating this degradation of relationships into an attention based economy, it might be arguable that previous generations had their own ways of going spoiled on this parts of their lives. The thing is that globalization wasn't actually there to show us how thing transpire everywhere.
Maybe we are going full circle, but is that the way we want to go? Do we want to go back to the way things were, or should we be advancing forward.
That's the problem with our kin. It doesn't matter if we have the best way to keep records of the past, our own short memories plays on that's recurring theme of forgetting what's been done before.
Maybe we'll find the way to live forward. But who knows what "forward" is?
It is a shame that sometimes people who are not happy together are forced to stay together because of financial reasons.
When I first read it I thought that you and your ex got back together after less than a week.
Oh no - time to move on!
It is true that people nowadays give the most importance to money or money be it in job or other field. I have even seen many leaving a great profession like teaching and moving abroad for money. Even because of money, many families get separated and many relationships get destroyed because of money. To be honest, today's world has become such that it is impossible for us to think of anything without money. Although it is said that money is not everything but it is contributing quite well behind everything.
It is a contributing factor behind so much of what we do and if we are going to get into relationships and have children, it is necessary in this world to have at least enough.
True. I know someone whose life on social media is completely different than that of the real life. He has problems with family for a long time and also has economic problems. However, what is seen on the social media is vice versa :)
Do they seem happy in real life?
No, conflicts most of the time.
Whether we like it or not, money limits us, we need it not to be happy but to live a better life. For me money is a bridge that gives us material well-being, it is a passing joy that we all fight for, true happiness is the one that connects with our soul, with our essence, like God our children, partner, parents and siblings, friends and pets.
It is material, but it also impacts on other factors of our life and our ability to build other values. For instance, parenting without money is not fun at all.
Money may not be everything but it is very important and people now do crazy things because of money. Would you believe that some girls here date men who are very much older because or money. They will get married and file for a divorce so that the property of the rich man will be divided into two and they will become rich
That's how some people live their lives and I know a few of them
Well, it is not fair
I believe it, as it happens everywhere. Just look at Hollywood. In Finland, Pre-nups are useless.
Yeah you are describing reality I agree from it. I think we have to choose the things in which we are interested our comfort is more important than this society. Do what your heart want .
Do what your heart wants, and be ready for it not to provide enough.
Money is just a part of life. if you don't have enough of it, life is rough and I just think it's something people need to think about. I am glad your friend had an amicable divorce though because I have heard some really terrible stories.
Yep. I think some people are just so "ego hurt" they make it worse than it has to be.
Dear @tarazkp !
I assumed you would be sad when you don't have money to buy birthday gifts for your loved ones!
I believe money can't buy happiness, but it can buy fun!
It sucks to not be able to provide for loved ones.
Many men can with withstand a financial seismic and bypass a breakup unlike ladies.It is terrible to fall into the mercies of your wife. They might not understand. I however salute those of the ladies who can.
Why do you think ladies can't? This might be cultural.
Men are borne to provide.
Here in Asia, matchmaking especially in Singapore is based on how much you are earning, how much healthy you are and how much of your assets are, marriages are kind of doomed. Especially you can read up on south korea and Japan, men over there gave up and slowly dying. You just can't compete if women want you to play this game one sided both financially, stake wise and still get to appear victim. I realize how this would affect new gen.
I was reading an article from Australia saying that women shouldn't have sex until the man has paid at least 2000 dollars on dates. Like....what? Are they prostitutes?
This reminds me of the popular saying "Money makes the world go round". People want to antagonize it, deny it, or idolize it, but in the end, money is important for everybody. Even those that live in farms or rural areas still need it; for fuel, electricity, or medical expenses. That is why most decisions are based on money in one way or another, or they should be. Money shouldn't dictate it, but it should be factored in.
From the time you were born, your parents had/should have considered the expenses of having a child. The milk, diapers, food, clothes, everything. As you are growing up, school fees and daycare comes into play. Once you have your allowance, you save up for things you want. When choosing a course, the average amount of pay is usually a big factor.
So I can see why your friend had to delay their separation until they were more financially capable.
It is an endless cycle of earning and spending. And in order to do so, many of us have to perform in jobs that don't really take us forward as individuals, or a society. Just imagine if all jobs added to the wellbeing of humanity in some way - what would it look like?
I think it is possible in the far off future, when robots and AI are the ones doing all the manual labor. There are some examples like the matrix, but a lot of them seem scary.
Finances were a huge factor in the recent relationship strains that my partner and I battled through this past month. She would have had to pay the rent on two bedrooms in this 3bd apartment since we functionally shared one and had the other be her WFH office. On the other hand, I would have been living rent-free in the suburbs with my mom, but without a car or a driver's license, I would have had to find a WFH job because I could not get around in the suburbs any other way. So rather than deal with this financial strain over the holiday and winter seasons, we decided to get back together with some new understanding and rules in place to help us cope with changing expectations.
I also blame the moon and the eclipse. My partner is very sensitive to astral energies, and I truly believe some of the strain and heavy emotions of the past month have to do with the disruption of the moon cycle energy. Either way, things are going much better now that I have the structure and financial backing of a full-time job after going 6 months without working. Our relationship will recover, but my finances are still in shambles. But for some crazy reason I'm still trying to figure out how I can get more DEC for Rebellion instead of trying to deal with this $14K interest-free debt that will come due by the end of the year.
How's it working out? I think you have some pretty complex relationship stuff going on!
Rebellion has a year on it or so - knock out the debt. Or cross fingers and hope for a massive spike!
I honestly thought I would have received my Celsius recovery by now since that was the money I had set aside to pay off this "loan" in the first place, but clearly that did not go to plan! Silly me for trying to earn ~8% yield on my crypto during the 18-month APR period.
That's a story for you
Sure thing.