is it just me 35(m) or did my parents generation not know what the hell they were doing. and not only that they seem to be blind to the sad realities of life. they think the world is still the way it was when i was young like it is still the same level of difficulty to get by? i support a family of 4 on 21$ an hour in new jersey. this is an impossible thing to do. only reason its possible is because work 7 days a week 12 hours a day and i am never home. i was having a hard time mentally as I'm under a lot of stress and fear that I'm failing terribly at times, so i try to express my concerns to my parents, and their only response is tough shit this is life. i wasn't raised very well i wasn't directed into a fruitful future the things i learned from my parents most people from my generation died from already. drug addiction, alcoholism, depression. they seem to have no idea that their traumas set the pace for my entire existence. i spent majority of my life jumping in and out of relationships trying to find someone to love me, which was nearly impossible as i didn't love myself at all, i felt i didn't deserve love as my mother never gave what normal first born sons get from their mothers, unconditional love. got heavy on drugs drank my way into 2 duis and threw my life away completely. i was ready to die at any moment. i personally never planned to live passed this year. i ate garbage drank garbage did every drug imaginable and had forfeited my future by choice and i was ok with it. so as you can imagine by the time i hit 30 i had nothing i was nothing and i didn't even care about where i ended up. then bam i had a daughter and it flipped my world upside down and brought that love i was seeking into my life and everything changed i struggled a little bit after she was born but i was getting better. then my son came and that was it there was nothing i wasnt willing to change to be the best man i could be for the souls i brought into this world. i held myself to the highest accountability i fixed my mindset i began a transformation into a motivated man ready to accomplish the impossible on my own. no help no therapy. just me and pure determination.. sadly enough the damage had already been done my credit is shot i work a difficult job for little money and barely get by, supporting 4 humans in this economy on 21$ an hour is not an easy task with the cost of everything these days but here i am. i know im 35 and a grown and shouldn't look at my parents and blame them for where im at. but i harbor some resentment as they are still the same people with the same problems and the same innability to give me any sort of support or love, and they could care less to see my kids. they are both remarried have other kids and treat them very well. was i just a test run they were ready to let fall out of exsistence. should i feel some type of way.. this is a constant thought on my mind. i didnt want to be here and i wasnt worth much to them. and im the complete opposite my kids are my world and the only reason im alive today. i just dont understand it and i guess i never wil . . . . LIFE GOES ON
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