When we were returning home today, as I held the front door of our building for my partner to pass in front of me, I thought of one of the topics that @galenkp gave this weekend.
Men, do you feel you're a gentleman or chivalrous and if so why?
Gentleman, knight, cavalier or something else...
I have a neighbor in the building, who says he is a great gentleman, a great man... For that reason, we call him "human size".
He doesn't seem to get sarcasm...
I've seen him holding the door for his wife a couple of times, carrying grocery bags, checking in with passing neighbors, ready to help when you ask him, but...
As the saying goes, everything before but is a lie 🙂
Just as many times I heard him address that same wife, how little respect he has for her..
Gentleman, hard, cavalier, no way...
Gentlemanliness, defined since ancient times, when nobles lived on the estates, those who, even though they were born above the others, had to prove by their behavior that they were better than the others, guided them in their treatment of others.
A gentleman at that time had to have ethics, strong morals, he had to be kind, polite, he had to show respect to others, not only ladies, in-laws or parents, but also others in his environment who are of a lower status than himself.
They had to be spiritual and moral people, who also took care of their physical appearance.
Snd if someone was a knight, he had to save his lady 🙂
Along with the term gentleman, there is always the term Bonton, which teaches every man how to behave in order to be a true gentleman.
If a man in the company of a woman acts according to the rules of bonton, then he is a cavalier.
And that is still not enough to be a gentleman, because one who is a cavalier does not necessarily possess ethics, morals, respect...
He just acts nice to women 🙂
And me?
I consider myself a cavalier.
I respect the women in my environment, I apply the rules of bonton, I open the front door, the car door, I always give up my seat on the bus, I am the first to enter the elevator (or cafe and restaurant), I let the lady go out first, I say "Thank you" when she allows me to I light a cigarette. If it's cold outside, I cover her with my coat, I walk behind her on the stairs when we go up, and in front of her when we go down, to make sure she's always safe...
Am I a gentleman, in the true sense of the word, as noblemen used to be? Of course not, I do not possess the wealth and pedigree that a nobleman has.
I don't belong to that social class, I'm an ordinary citizen from a working class family, but even though I didn't have the education to become a gentleman, the upbringing I received in my family led me to be a good man, maybe even a little gentleman 🙂 (I will never be a knight, I have never ridden a horse. and I have no armor).
I have strong ethics and morals, I respect the elderly, I respect educated people, but also those with less education, I also respect young people, as well as people in trade, catering, masters of all trades.
I don't lie (even when I should) and I always fulfill the given promise, I have no prejudices, I don't do anything out of revenge or for personal gain, I don't step over others to achieve my goals. I have good manners, but I am almost never dressed as a gentleman is expected to be (and sometimes I swear too much).
If I had to rate myself now, I would give myself the following ratings
cavalier 9/10
gentleman 6/10
It seems like a passing grade, doesn't it?
But today, looking at the upbringing of young people in my environment, I fear that these qualities that make a gentleman will be difficult to achieve and that the category of such people will slowly disappear.
Young people do not have much respect for other people in their environment, they do not put much effort into their education, they are ready to step over others to achieve their goals...
I hope that education will prevail and that the education offered by reality TV shows will not win.
You are right. These actions are not enough.
I think that gentlemen in the broad sense of the word are almost extinct.
Hey, btw, you passed. If riding a horse and holding a sword is what you need to increase your score, you can go to an equestrian centre. LOL.
I'm sorry to ride a horse.
Whenever I have the opportunity to get close to them, I always have a bag with sugar cubes in my pocket or some carrots or a bag with some oats...
That's why they adore me and come to me to pet them. I don't believe that they would love me so much if I put a saddle on their back 🙂
There are people who make really nice bonds with horses, they ride them, and run both free...
I like your bond with horses. You definitely weren't fair to you in the scoring.
When I was telling you that gentlemen are in short supply, I was thinking specifically of that man you mentioned who, although he has chivalrous attitudes towards his wife, in the end treats her badly. Maybe he will treat others badly as well, and about young people, education starts at home. If there are no good teachers...
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