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RE: Weekend-engagement week 67: The important week

in Weekend Experiences3 years ago (edited)

Your answers really made me think. The first one about your first thought about things-- that reminded me of everything I have been learning about the subconscious mind. We have the illusion that our conscious minds are in charge, in the "driver's seat," so to speak. However, behind the scenes, it is our subconscious that is able to think much faster and process millions of times more information.

So, with that processing power, it sends us a message. We sometimes call it "instinct." It is hard to rely on this message when we don't understand where it comes from, but I think it's great that you have learned to trust it and value it.

Taking care of your child sounds so challenging and I don't know whether you have written more about that elsewhere. If not, and if you want to, I think you should consider it. When my daughter was little (and now, but she is an adult), she was seriously mentally ill. I did not understand why parenting her was so hard.

It's not the same struggle as yours at all, of course. In fact although she had no diagnosed disorder until she was an adult (despite my taking her to the doctor), I often used to be very grateful that she was as well as she was. She screamed and raged often, and I would tell myself to be grateful that she had a voice, that her lungs functioned well. It was hard to be grateful that someone was screaming at me. However, one must take small victories at times.

I was very moved by what you said about your mind being free to roam even though you are kept at home in a caregiving role. That is the magic of reading, writing, and the internet. However, I hope you have some opportunities for respite. Even short breaks can help.

I was also moved that some of the very things that make life challenging for you are what you are glad to have.

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Thank you for your deeply felt and thought comment. I find the parents who are most likely to understand me are those who struggled with similar events. I think some of my son's problems today are very much because I did not listen to my first instincts, I did not say no, I afraid of being wrong. But more problems come from that thought, that fear of being wrong.

Thank you for being moved. If you have placed a comment on this post, would you please tag me on it?

It sounds like you have done your best. It is hard, as a mother, not to feel guilty at times, and it sounds like you blame yourself a little. However, when I feel guilty (which is often), I try to ask myself how the guilt helps the situation. Since it does not help nor does it make me feel good, I try to forgive myself for my errors.

It's not easy. I don't know if you also struggle with this or if I am reading you incorrectly. Sometimes, it really feels like motherhood is synonymous with guilt. I think you have had to be very strong.

You're making me wanna cry with your response to @owasco comment

You can't cry. If you do, I will cry because I triggered it, and then we will all be crying!!!