An Argument: Letting Go Of What We Can't Control

Life really throws unexpected turn of events in front of your face. And sometimes, you get overwhelmed and act rashly according to how you feel at the moment, and you often times forget to remind yourself to think about consequences after - what could go wrong and was it the right thing to do.

I know mistakes were learning materials for us to experience life but I often asked myself, why do need to make mistakes first before we could learn a meaningful lesson? I know it's not always the case but it's the usual. Isn't it?

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Before I get to more about the title, I want to say, I was actually staring at Mr. @galenkp's reply about my comment two days ago on his blog (it was about changing the name of his community) and I thought, why not make an entry? I've never really done that although I have known him and the community for so long. Just, whenever I come back to Hive, I go to his blog and look for some interesting posts he might have recently posted. I liked how he writes, so it became a bit of a habit.

So there, and that is why I am making my first post in the WEEKEND EXPERIENCES community as of today. And coincidentally, I have quite a messy weekend to share. (...hope I can properly share it.)

Today, Saturday, well it was actually last night and today. I ranted in one of our group chats about how I don't want a certain person coming in our house uninvited and without formal introduction. It so happen that one of my siblings gets a certain treatment from that person and it involves money. And to date, those treatments weren't done just once but multiple times. I ranted because it was weighing heavily on my mind, and I didn't like how it felt.

How did I know all that stuff? Well, to tell you honestly, I have been naughty and read their conversations (invasion of privacy) and I confirmed that the relationship was not what it looks like on the surface. There were indecent activities (which they have done in the house without no one knowing) and of course money involve where it's basically for luxury.

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I'm the type of person who gets suspicious with just seeing unusual activities and/or movements. I know what I did was not right but I couldn't help but feed the curiosity that is bugging my mind for days.

And so I ranted about how I don't want that person sleeping and staying in our house for almost 2 days and 1 night every time that they go drinking alcohol at night. It seemed like that person grew accustomed to the house and is part of the family. Why do I say that? Because, he often bring stuff at home as presents and comes with family outings and such. And yes, he is a male and my sibling is a male as well. I don't have any prejudice against the same gender since I am very much open minded. But knowing all these stuff and that persons personality is I think a different story.

I told my mom about it days ago before I ranted, and we talked again today - and we argued. I expected that since I know my mom would make me understand different situations and what ifs. She's a mom after all.

And so after all those crying and stuffs... trying to explain what is wrong about this. We agreed on one thing - that I'll stop talking and meddling about this matter if my mom would not talk to that person. I told her that I wouldn't like it if I see that person talking to my mom like they were already close for days. I don't know. It's just what I came up at that moment. I felt like it would hurt me more to learn that... that person got everybody on his side. I know it's selfish and immature but I don't know how else can we progress from this.

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Does this mean we're going to see a future with that person getting involve with the family? One time, I felt like it's okay not to see them staying in the house and it's unpleasant to think that I thought about that. Am I loosing my mind already just because I don't want that person near my family? Huh, I don't know. Maybe you guys can share some advice to me.

I just plan on not talking any further and not joining any family affair if that person is included. It will be like just returning to my old self where I don't show and talk about much how I feel - like someone who doesn't care about what's going on in his surroundings. Does it look like I gave in and let that person do what he wants? It does seem.

My mom repeatedly told me that she don't want my brother to do reckless things (just like before) if we try to put an end to all this. So what? Seriously, that's what I thought at first. But she said to think about how she would feel as a mom if that happened. And so as the oldest, I gave in and sacrificed the thought.

I learned something from it. I never thought that I would be this useless with matters like this. First, I failed as a giver. And that is why my brother don't respect me and tries to defend that guy. Oh, did I tell you that my brother threw a fit at me, saying mean words. I just cried and let it all go. It's not like I am not used to this by now. I tried to make people understand with the best way I can without revealing any much details, but I failed. It looked like I was the bad guy. I could sense the distance and brief looks they gave at me in the morning. But you see, I did not regret any of what I did.

I just wanted to do my role as the oldest and as a sibling. What was so wrong about that?

So to end it all. That is the mess that I have experienced this weekend. I took courage to take action but failed to prevent it from happening further. I gave up because I wanted to consider what would my mom feel. And I don't want the effects of my course of action to become way even worse. I'll just play as numb as I can and turn a blind eye to all of this. Am I not just going to bottle it up?

On a serious note, this is my first entry for the WEEKEND EXPERIENCES Community. And it's pleasant to feel and know that I had someone to talk and share this kind of matter through writing. I never had one, so I became a writer.

Though I'm not really sure what category this type of post fall in (is it Doing Stupid?), I hope I can comeback and share more.

Sa uulitin! (Until the Next time!)