Growing up children need love and affection. Growing up I didn't care for any of that because I never got it because my parents, hmmm they were never around.
Around the age of three I became a child that was taken to different people, staying, schooling and living. I didn't get that stable life. All I wanted then was just to grow up. At age 5-7, I did grew up. I cared less of wether my parent were with me, or not, I cared less of the new school I were to be enrolled into, or friends I had made in the previous once.
You see, today I am with my mother's people, and tomorrow I am with my father's people or a family Friend. I won't lie they were good, pretty good I might add, but it made me care less.
Oh I didn't tell you, I am the first male child or first born in the African mental setting. Although I am actually the second born.
I have little love to give my brothers and sisters, or my parent. I can go years without talking to them, and I wont feel like I am doing something wrong. In fact I don't even care.
What created this monster, was the absence of stability, a stability I didn't get. Many will say I have gone through worse but I still love my family, some will even emphasis that 'it was because of that, they love them hoarder'. Good for them they are the bitter bread and still love the taste, all I can say is our taste buds are different. I don't know your definition of a monster, for me it's a person without love.
What ever was the result of your experience, I don't know, what made yours a little different that too I don't know. All I know is, I became an introvert, reserve and a love less individual, I am compassionate, I resonate with the afflictions of other, but when it comes to family, reverse is the answer. I keep asking myself, was it the absence of my parents in my life, or was it a choice I made. Remember those people were really nice. So what mare me careless to family.
I have being through some relationship and I recall the last broke up. The lady said "Ray you don't care". It's true I couldn't, even if she hugs or kisses another person in front of me I couldn't care less. We can go weeks without calls, or texts, she tried to but it's hard to start a fire if the woods are cold.
If maybe just one of them was always around maybe I won't have turned out this way. I made a promise that I will try for my own children, be around and on time. My wife will just have to love the coloured me. I will try. I totally understand the reason why they were never around, I understood that right from the age of 7. We needed to be clothed and fed, so they were looking for those things for their children. And I love them for that. But the monster has already been made.
I would have loved to put my childhood photos but they are no we're to be found, I myself don't like photos.. I don't know, I think it comes with the tag 'introvert'. If yours was different or something better let me know. But if yours was like me. Say hi let's relate.
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I'm beginning to think that 90% of us African kids grew up without emotionally present parents. It's starting to make sense why our generation finds it so difficult to create and stay in healthy relationships.
This is profound, man. I believe that this understanding will help be more compassionate towards them when they're old and have only us to rely on. It'll also be lessons to us when we start our own families.
Edit:
I understand your struggles, man, but I think it's still possible to get to a place where you dissociate from the identity your upbringing gave you. Keep trying and you'll get there, for yourself and your future family and friends.
Thanks,
I really can't stress enough the joy I got, seeing that you took your time to read the post.
It's true our generation is having some loose screws, when it's comes to relationship. Honestly, till you said it I didn't think that was a possible reason.
Yeah, there effort will always be appropriated, and I do expect much of me in returning the favour
I will try, you know it's hard go bend a dried up stic
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You're making a big impact @sabiukpa! Keep up the fantastic work and you'll reach your Hive target in no time.
Hi, I see you recently joined Hive. Congratulations on that.
I hope this virtual world will be helpful for you, for your creativity and also your growth. One always learns here by sharing with others and as there is so much diversity, it is possible to get to know other cultures and other ways of thinking.
As for the family... and parents specifically, yes, they can leave wounds, but when we reach X level of awareness we can try to heal them and not repeat the same things they did.
Greetings!
I know you like Céline Dion 😉
Oh yes I love her songs.thanks that was comforting
The choice of song 'the power of love' at this point.... Hmmm l, let me not over think it.
Thank you