Faced with infidelity: What would I do?
Greetings friends of Colmena and community of weekend experiences. This week's topics are quite interesting, personally the ones related to infidelity caught my attention, one more week I am encouraged to share my thoughts with you.
Many years ago I did an interview with a psychologist about infidelity and that made me think about how subjective this topic is, she told me that what for me may be an infidelity for another person is not, for example: sending messages to another person in an affectionate way, as well as thinking about someone other than the partner (thoughts associated with love, sexual, beauty or way of being of the other person); that for some it can be an infidelity and for others not; that each one's beliefs and the agreements that are made as a couple influence, and that normally these agreements are not verbalized, but assumed. An interview that personally left me with a lot to think about.
What would I do in the face of infidelity?
One thing is what you think with a cool head and quite another is when the situation occurs and you have to act.
In the hypothetical situation of my partner being unfaithful to me while having an affair and confessing it to me, the first thing I would do would be to ask him/her:
Why did you do it?
With whom?
How long did it last?
Did you love her or do you love her?
What happened between the two of you?
With those answers I would know what happened, how far it went, if it was just messages, if there was an encounter, if you have been at it for months or years. After knowing the basics of what happened, Then I would ask him why he is confessing to me, what is the purpose? I might intuit that it's out of guilt, but I'd like to hear your side.
I would be very upset and hurt regardless of the situation. Also, If you tell me that your feelings were very connected to the other person, it would hurt me more.
Would I forgive him? There if I have no answer, because first I would listen to what happened and with what intention he is confessing everything to me. What I would ask him for is time to assimilate what he has told me and see if I can really forgive him.
Weekend engagement #164; topic proposed by @Galenkp: Cheating and confession (one).
Everything could be under control if. Each one will have time to talk, question, answer, explain, and understand.
Infidelity can be justified depending on one's point of view, and how he/she understands every scenario. Maybe it could be infidelity to one person, but not to the other person.
I commented that with a cool head I would be more calm in favor of listening. In a real moment it probably won't work that way. The best thing is to be clear about what infidelity is for you and know how it is for your partner, so everyone knows where you stand with the other person.
Best regards friend, thanks for reading my post 😊.
yes, it's all about the way we think, but there is also outrageous treatment that cannot be tolerated in an affair, nice post guys
Greetings Yes friend, there are situations that one is aware that there would be no way to continue a relationship.
Thanks for commenting 💕
The truth is that I wouldn't ask so many questions, because it would traumatize me even more hehe I think! I don't know, but I feel that if he did it once, he would do it again.
Jajaja I understand you friend, I would do them because I don't think I could live with the doubts.
Looking at the forgiveness option I think that's what one wonders the most. If he will do it again.
Greetings 🤗
Whatever reason he will give, cheating is cheating, I can forgive him but that's the end of everything. He chose to cheat, so for sure, he already expected the outcome of it.
Cheating is like a trend now you know, I read a lot of post about the infidelity of their partner everywhere. It's like, they don't care about what happened. They don't even consider the feeling of their partner. I mean, if they don't want the current partner anymore, then tell them. Not that they will chose to cheat, my gosh.
Greetings friend, I understand your position.
These issues are very subjective as each person carries them in their life as they see fit. I didn't want to give an answer as to whether I would forgive or not, because I don't feel I have that answer at this time.
I clearly understand what you are saying that the one who is unfaithful does not think about the partner and knows very well the consequences of what he/she does.
There are couples that with couples therapy get out of situations like this. Everyone acts based on how they feel about these issues.
Thanks for commenting 💕
I agree 100%. What for some is infidelity for others is not, simply because we are all different, with different beliefs and learning, different programmes.
I think I would do the same... in fact it happened to me, he confessed it to me, we were estranged, it was only occasional... I took my time, he was sincere and I gave importance to it.
I read you and remembered things.... thank you!❤️
The decision to forgive and move on with your partner is not an easy one, it's a very personal decision.
Thanks for sharing that experience 💕.
Thanks to you @samantha.asami ❤️
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