“You can’t appreciate what you have until you lose it.”
These words get stuck in my brain every time Mum advises us on how much we need to turn a new leaf in our lives.
I never understood her well, no matter all of the examples she gave, at times she would compare other children to us and let us realize that we don’t appreciate and value what we have.
Deep down, I have my thoughts elsewhere.
“At least when I am out of this home, there will be peace”. This had been my thought most of the time Mum called us together.
We have been living all our lives at home with our parents. I can say we hardly spent time living with other people. All we knew was just the life around us. It's mum and Dad's responsibility to provide for us, and we should just do our chores to assist them and then play away.
I can't really say if my siblings also harbor similar thoughts. But I am also sure they wanted freedom just like I do.
In 2012 our eldest got admitted into university. We were so happy that he would be the first to taste what the outside world looks like. We celebrated his freedom and new life. Now he will be far away from his parents. At least if he could survive, then Mum's words proved positive for us.
I was next in line. I thought my admission would be as swift as that of my brother. I forgot that we all have different paths to tread. I took the position of the eldest in the absence of my brother. I never knew how heavy it was for him not until I got in his shoes.
Bro! Please come back home and take your position. I ranted on a call we had.
This home is tiring. Abdulqudus here! Abdulqudus there! Abdulqudus please do this and that! It’s overwhelming. I added.
My brother smiled. I never knew the reason he was smiling. I just wanted to be free like him.
The worst part of it was whenever he came home for vacation, though it is obvious that he got lean and pale, and his skin color though dark-skinned, but there are signs of stress all over him.
He would gist with us about how he had a nice time with his lectures, and how big the theatre and lecture halls are. His friends and how they keep having a nice time.
I got enticed by all of this and I promised to put in more effort so I would also have an experience of all he has been doing with us.
Three years later I never got any admissions. At that point, I was so tired of everything around me. My third trial became a breakthrough for me.
Wow! Finally,
I was so happy, and everyone rejoiced with me too.
A couple of weeks before I could start preparing to leave home, every night I always dreamed about what my life would look like. Even during the day, I am filled with imagination. I can't help it. All I wanted was freedom and a new life.
It dawned on me.
“Stay safe, and remember the child of who you are” Those were mum's last words to me after escorting me to the park and the bus was about to take off.
I waved through the window. But my face never felt any sympathy or emotions. I have long waited for this day to come. Compared to that of my brother, they both wept a lot of tears before they could depart.
I got to the university, I was so happy. One could tell from the smile on my face. I was so fresh and chubby, that was something I never appreciated. I thought I was having a hard time at home. I promised myself not to step home till I was done with the whole session.
The first semester dawned on me. I ran helter-skelter, ran to get my registration done before the deadline, tried to meet up with lectures, and got myself familiar with campus life.
There are days I would skip breakfast, launch and still have just snacks for dinner. I remembered how peaceful my square meals were when I was at home with my parents. How peaceful I would sleep without thinking of anything.
Things changed. I sought freedom but I wasn't free. Immediately after the first semester break, I was the first to pack my luggage and travel home. I challenged my brother for not informing me how tedious it was to enjoy my freedom. He smiled and said
“You can’t appreciate what you have until you lose it.”.
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lol, it sounds your brother wanted you to learn the hard way! Did you eventually learn to enjoy the campus?
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You can't appreciate what you have till you lose it.
I love those words; those words point out things that we need to appreciate that we aren't appreciating till we lose them. Then, it will now dawn on us what we've lost.
I'm glad you were able to navigate through school though your brother wanted you to learn the hard way.
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