I very much enjoyed your story. It is a portrait of two fragile people. The flow of the narrative is gentle, like the slow unraveling of a spool of yarn.Hello @nachica,
When I finished, I looked to see the Spanish version so I could try to sort out some of the sections of the narrative that confused me. It's fine to include a translation, as long as the English is given.
I hope you write again. You might want to pay attention to the beginnings and endings of sentences. A period instead of a comma would make the intention clearer to the reader.
Have a wonderful weekend.