Hello @wrestlingdesires,
Thank you for this wonderful story. It makes a great first entry into the contest. I am reading the story for the second time and flushing out my impression so I can give what I hope is constructive insight. Please remember that such insight reflects how I might approach the story. But, it's your story so you are welcome to reject all suggestions :)
This is a 'clean' story, so I will not nitpick but will make a structural suggestion.
Your first sentence is a true workhorse. It tells us who the boys are, their ages, where they are and what they are up to. Tremendous amount of information. However, it isn't a really effective hook. Try to think of a first sentence that has more energy. Even moving this line up might work:
"Are you sure this is where Timothy The Terrible scuttled his ship, Bill? We've been looking for over an hour!"
In the next line you might start with Lyle and his twelve-year-old brother Bill... We don't really need to know Lyle's age because we know now they are both children. The sentence becomes more dynamic if you leave Lyle's age off.
That's what I would do. I might play around with that paragraph to make the information more compact, but you are really good at creating scene and motivation. Wouldn't want to mess that up.
Well, that's my suggestion. I hope you get others and that these will help you think constructively about your second draft.
Good luck!
Thank you, @agmoore - this is exactly what I needed :) !!! What a wonderful idea to start it off with more energy :)
My problem has always been making my posts too long. So I will definitely see where I can shave a few words off.