Thank you @lacrucita, really much appreciated :).
I did mean for that moment of the narrator's passive response to Rebecca's death to be shocking. But I also tried to build towards it in such a way, that the reader feels there is something wrong with the narrator.
For example, she says things used to happen when she was younger, real things involving tears. But she must have seen so many deaths in her recent years, since she is really old. She has grown cold towards the things happening around her now, she thinks life was only meaningful when boys were fighting over her.
And I tried to show how she's jealous of Rebecca, having her son visit every month. Hinting at how everything about Rebecca's life is better, even her shoes. She quietly resents that Rebecca uses her to feel better about herself.
I think the learning part for me is to understand how much of these things the reader picks up on. Whether they should be a bit more explicit, so that the uncanny feeling that 'something's wrong with the narrator' builds even before the dramatic turn of events. I agree with you, definitely, that stories are allowed / supposed to have an effect on the reader. But I do think I have a lot to learn about how much information to give, and how to make a dramatic turn of events shocking, sure, but also believable enough. Maybe, since the relative dying without the narrator moving one finger is quite absurd, the build up could have been more strong?
Thanks so much for your feedback. And yes, planning on sticking around this time! :)
I picked up most of the things you described. It was very detailed and the flow helped me dive into the narrative.
Certainly, it seems absurd the old lady wouldn't do anything about it. But life can be absurd sometimes. And beyond that,. I think the interesting part wasn't if it was believable or not, but rather what the reader feels when being witness to a death no one cares about in the story. As human nature, we want to save the woman, and wouldn't believe that anybody else wouldn't, especially your own family.. In this respect is when I believe the story doesn't seem real, but I think it's because we are reluctant to see that sort of thing happening, not because of the writer's development of events.
Anyway, I guess we as writers always get the feeling that we are missing something when we finish our stories. I don't know about experienced writers, but it happens to me hehe.