"You never really know what you miss until it's gone, do you?"
Hannah stared out of the kitchen window, watching the rain patter softly against the glass. Her father’s words echoed in her mind, it was a memory from years ago. She hadn’t thought about him in a long time. It was the kind of thing he used to say before they drifted into silence.
Now, she stood in the same house, in the same kitchen, except it was just her and the silence that had grown so comfortable. It was the exact kind of silence you get used to, even when you don’t want it.
Her phone buzzed on the countertop, snapping her from her deep thoughts. The name on the screen made her so anxious.
“Dad”
She hadn’t heard from him in months. The last time they spoke, it had been a tense conversation—so many hurtful words were exchanged—and she wasn’t ready to deal with it. Not now. But At this moment, she wasn’t sure why she had left things so unfinished.
The phone buzzed again. She hesitated whilst having her finger hover over the screen. She took A deep breath.
“Maybe this time will be different,” she whispered to herself, answering the call.
“Hello?” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady.
For a moment, there was nothing but silence, followed by a muffled voice.
“Dad?”
More silence. Then, “Hannah?” came the reply, his voice ragged, like it was coming from somewhere far away. "God, I’m... I’m so sorry."
She flinched. “Sorry.?” The word felt like it had been used a million times and one between them, and never had it meant any better.
“I didn’t mean to call you, kid. I… I’m just…." He stopped; his voice breaking. The words seemed too heavy to come out.
The phone unknowingly dropped from Hannah’s fingers and the screen briefly flashed back on, with the screen saver displaying her father’s face. It wasn’t his face from a few years ago, the one she remembered from childhood: strong, stubborn, kind. This was a tired version, aged by time and regret.
She picked the phone back up, rubbing her forehead. "Dad, what’s going on? You’ve been gone for months. You can’t just…”
“I didn’t mean to call you,” he interrupted, sounding distant, his voice muffled again. “It was a mistake.”
"Mistake? You mean this whole thing is a mistake?" she asked, her anger rising like a tide, so uncontrollably.
"No," he said, his voice filled with emotion. "It wasn’t a mistake... it’s just that... I don’t know what I’m doing, Hannah. I sincerely thought you would have a better life without me. And I thought you would really be better off if I just stayed away."
The words hit her like a blow. The same words he had said years ago, just before walking out the door. “You’d be better off without me.”
She felt the lump in her throat increase in size. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him how much he had hurt her, how much she had missed him, and how angry she was. But instead, all that came out of her was a shaky, quiet voice.
"I don’t understand, Dad. You just... left. And now you think calling me is going to fix it? After all this time?"
After another long pause, he spoke again, slower sounding more deliberate. "I don’t expect it to fix anything, Hannah. I’m not trying to fix things. I just… I’ve been thinking a lot. About you, about us. And I can’t keep pretending I don’t care anymore."
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to forgive him. But that was the thing about forgiveness; it wasn’t an easy feat. And it wasn’t something you could give someone just because they called after a long silence, after so many years of hurt.
"You can’t just come back into my life like this," she said softly, tears streaming down her eyes. "I’m not some door you can walk in and out of whenever you feel like it."
"I know," he said. "I know I don’t deserve you, not after everything I’ve put you through. But I was wrong, Hannah. I was wrong to leave you. I was wrong to let all that time go by and still do nothing. You deserved more than that."
Hannah closed her eyes, her fingers gripping the edge of the counter. “You deserve more than this,” she remembered him saying when she was young, after one of their arguments. It had always been a line he used when things got hard between them. But it never seemed to mean anything, not when it mattered most.
She let out a shaky breath. "I don’t know what you want from me, Dad. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Sincerely, I don’t “
"I’m not asking you to forgive me right away," he said, his voice softer now, more vulnerable. "I’m just asking for a chance. A chance to start over“
A chance to start over. The words she had waited to hear for years. But now that they were finally here, they felt so different. Like too much had been left unsaid for too long.
"I can’t promise anything," she said, fighting to keep her emotions in check. "But I’ll… I’ll think about it. That’s all I can say to you right now."
His voice cracked. "That’s all I need. Just a chance."
As if on cue, the phone line died, leaving only the faint hum of silence. Hannah stood in the kitchen with her phone still pressed to her ear and her mind racing. She hadn’t expected this conversation. She hadn’t expected to feel so torn, so conflicted. And yet, here she was right now, facing the truth about her father and everything he had taken from her.
The next day, the rain had stopped, and the sky was clear, the morning sunlight shone through the windows. It felt like a new day like the world had given her a chance to breathe. But Hannah was still in her unsure state. Wondering what to do.
Her phone buzzed again, and this time, the screen read: “Dad.”
For a long moment, she stared at the name, uncertainty filling her inside. She had spent years trying to move on without him, to build a life for herself. She had learned to live with the silence, to carry the weight of his absence.
But maybe that wasn’t the end of the story.
She pressed the accept button.
"Hello?" she said, her voice steady.
There was a pause on the other end. Then, her father’s tired but hopeful voice came through.
“Hannah…?”
“It’s fine Dad, let's start all over.”
And for the first time in a long while, she wasn’t sure if it was a mistake. Maybe it was just the beginning.
The beginning of something new. Something broken, but still worth fixing.
A good start to everything. Hopefully she can fix his relationship with her father.
Oh yea she will🙏
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