Alex took a drink from his bottle wiping his mouth with the back of his hand to get the remnants of water off.
"Broody, you coming out with us tonight to celebrate?", one of his teammates asked him.
Alex shook his head in a silent no. He wondered why they even bothered. He never indulged. The only reason he answered the dumb nickname, Broody was because they refused to call him anything else.
He guessed he deserved the name. He never smiled or laughed. He was a professional hockey player. He played the game and made sure they won almost everytime. There was no need for anything else.
He headed out with the rest of the guys. The drive home was quiet just the way he liked it. From the corner of the road, a sign caught his eyes. A children's hospital.
He had taken this route for the past five years and had never seen the sign or the ugly building behind it. He didn't know why he did it but he found himself stopping his car, getting out of it and walking in the direction of the building.
When he entered the smell of drugs and chemicals filled his nostrils.
What was he doing?, maybe he should have brought flowers or something, he thought.
But for who?.
He scratched his head and was about to turn to leave when he heard a tiny voice.
"Are you looking for someone?". He looked down to see a tiny girl.
He stared at her without saying anything.
She extended her hand, "I'm Tommy"
"Tommy is a boy's name". She gave him a look, you know that one teachers give their students when they've done something wrong.
"You don't look like you're here to visit anyone, so you're coming with me. It's past visiting hours so I have to sneak you in", she giggled, " If Nurse Mary sees you we'll both be in trouble so let's hurry".
She took his hand, dragging him along. For some weird reason, he actually followed her,
They got to her room. There was another girl there who was asleep. Just like Tommy the girl should be doing.
"So where are you from?, what's your favorite color?, how old are you?, are you married?, why are you so muscular?, when you were little did you ever pee your pants?"
What was he doing here with this child?
" You don't talk much do you?, It's okay I'll just do the talking, Mama said I could talk a person to death,I wonder what that means".
He sighed, " shouldn't you be in bed?"
"I should but I'm not done drawing yet, you wanna see?". She didn't wait for an answer she was already shoving a piece of paper in his hands.
There was a stick girl standing surrounded by big circles that looked like lights?
"That's me, Mama said when I'm not here anymore that's where I'll go. The beautiful place with big bright lights"
"It's a really ugly drawing "
"I'm ten years old", she gasped," You can't say things like that, you'll kill my spirit".
He stared at her.
" You were supposed to laugh".
"I don't laugh".
"Well Mr Man I don't know, it's my new life's mission to make you laugh".
And she did try over the next few months. He visited her everyday, met her infamous Mama. He started talking more, He engaged more with his team, went out with them to celebrate their wins and today when they had finally won the championship, he had skated around with his hockey stick in the air. Someone had shouted.
"Omg, Broody is smiling ". He touched his face and realized he was indeed smiling.
He packed up his things in a hurry to tell Tommy.
"Off to see the girlfriend?". Jackson asked as the whole team burst into laugher.
He ignored them and headed out.
He felt it as soon as he entered the hospital. The smell of drugs and chemicals was more nauseating today.
He walked to her room. She wasn't there.He knew.
Her mama flung herself into his arms, crying until she fell asleep. He placed her gently on Tommy's bed.
There was a note on the bedside table addressed to him.
Dear Mr Alex, the Broody Man,
I'm gone but don't cry for me because it doesn't hurt anymore. I saw the beginning part of the game. You were amazing out there. I even caught a smile on your lips. I think Mama is right. I closed my eyes and I could picture it. The lights were so bright I had to squint my eyes. It was really beautiful. Maybe one day you'll see then with me. Then we'll have sleepovers and you'll do all the talking this time. Until then have this.
It was the drawing from the first night except she added a stick him holding her hand.
You were right, it's an ugly drawing.
He closed his eyes and laughed as a single tear escaped.
Guess what Mr Alex?, " You just laughed".
Don't be Broody anymore, promise?.
He stared at the door. He could almost feel her standing there.
"I promise ".
Such a moving story 😢 Very creative how you transformed the character. ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა
The challenge of every author who writes a story that tugs at our heart strings: tug without become a soap opera. You play this theme well. We have all the elements of a melodrama--dying girl, brooding man--and yet, you do not go there. This is very well done. Any reader who comes across your story may feel a bit of a tear. That's good writing.
Thank you for sharing this with us. We appreciate that you engage with the community. You are off to a nice start in the Inkwell. We look forward to reading more fiction/nonfiction from you.
I cried when I thought of it, cried while writing it and then cried again while proof reading it.😥
Thank you and I really appreciate the vote of confidence. I look forward to writing and sharing more stories🙂
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Bittersweet, semi-dark, and hopeful stories are my favorite. I got that vibe while reading this. I have two daughters as well, so any story with a dying girl hits close to home. You have a haunting melody in your prose. I think you can really take that somewhere, and grow it into deeper and more haunting creativity. Good job with this one. I really enjoyed it!
Thank you for taking the time to read this story. And I'm glad you liked it. Stories that make me cry are one of my favorites so I'll write more stories with a "haunting melody" and I really hope you enjoy reading those too.
Great story, I did not expect the end, this reminds me because it is important that all the moments we live with those we love we appreciate with great joy, yesterday was already and tomorrow is a mystery.
You just gave me a new favorite quote. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this story. Thank you 🙂