Source: Pixabay
As he dashed through the forest in the evening light, he could barely see. He knew not where he was going. He didn't care. All that mattered to him was to make it as far as his legs could carry him. He looked back, there were beams of light shining through the tall grasses. Those were flashlights of his pursuers. They were catching on. He had been running for almost forty minutes. His legs had become heavy. His body weight felt as though it had doubled due to the sweat he was covered in. The cold air of the night also worsened his predicament. Slowly, the brisk pace of his feet began to fade until it came to a stop. He was sapped of the strength to continue running. He held his breath as he crouched behind the trunk of a big tree, muttering a word of prayer.
Soon, he could hear the footsteps of his pursuers as they drew nearer. He knew it would not be long before their dogs pick up his scent and trace it to the spot where he was hiding. He couldn't stay in hiding for long. The warders searched desperately, waving their flashlights around hoping to discover the prisoner's footprints. He was quite a runner, they'd give him that. But no prisoner had ever carried out a successful escape from Lockheed Penitentiary.
"Aaargh!" an agonising scream coming from behind one of the trees alerted the warders and they all caught sight of the figure that had jumped out, running like a terrified deer. That was their game, the escaped prisoner!
They chased after him, and it was only a matter of time before one of the dogs leapt at the fatigued prisoner, knocking him to the ground, his face buried in the mud. Seizing him, they bundled him back to the prison yard. Other inmates peeped from their cell holes as the gates of the prison creaked open. They were all sorry for the doomed man. They knew he was going somewhere tougher this time around. He had just bought himself a one-way ticket to solitary confinement for attempting to escape.
An hour later, he was sitting in isolation, staring sadly at the beam of light shining from the moon into the dungeon. If he hadn't been stung by termites while hiding behind the tree, his escape would have been a success. He heaved a sigh as he remembered how he ended up in prison in the first place. It was for a crime he knew nothing about.
PS, this is not my submission for the weekly prompt.
I love the way you writes to catch the attention of your reader, the first line prompt me read your story to letter, it's portrays how good you're as a writer.
Running away from the prison is a great offence and I'm sure he will be dealt with severely.
I know prison life can be so horrible , but could have run away, and at the end of your story I got to realize he was in the prison for the crime he knows nothing about, what a tragedy!
In that case, he should have wait there, till justice will be granted until him. Running away will worsen the case.
I was directed to your post via @dreemport, and I must say that you Story is worth reading. Keep it up!
Thank you so much, @maryJacy. Your comments always put a smile on my face.
Really, he shouldn't have attempted an escape, but then having to suffer for what you're innocent of can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
And I enjoy reading your post too, always interesting.
And I enjoy reading your post too, always interesting.
There are few things I enjoy more than reading a story by someone who writes for the sheer pleasure of writing. I think that is what happened here. You like to exercise your writing muscle.
This is vivid, articulate, well paced. The tone of the piece is consistent with the content. I love the irony. Tiny termites were his undoing, not the ferocious dogs.
Such a very short story accomplishes a lot.
If this were my story, and if I were fine tuning it with exquisite edits, one thing I would do is look at this section:
There is nothing wrong with this section, but I would find a way to eliminate some of the ofs. Just telling you this, one writer to another, as I would suggest to a colleague in a writing group. Sign of respect :) You can, of course, disagree.
I enjoyed reading this.
To be honest, it's the feedback I get from the community that encourages my fondness for creative writing nowadays. Thank you for the constructive criticism like always.
Now that you've pointed it out to me, I really see that "Of" appeared one too many times in that paragraph. I really should find a way to reduce them.
This is a well-constructed, entertaining story. Thank you for sharing it with the Ink Well community. And thank you for engaging consistently with other writers in the community.
I love the intensity of this story, @hillarypowers. In the beginning, we don't know why this man is running, or who is pursuing him, or whether he is a good or bad person, but we quickly feel that it is important for him to get away and run free. As the truth is revealed, readers continue to feel invested in a positive outcome for this escaped prisoner. And then we read the devastatin last line:
Great plot twist! He's not just any prisoner, but one who has been jailed for a crime he did not commit! Very well done.
Thank you so much for the kind words, Jayna. I'll keep doing my best to incorporate all the new things I learn from the community into my writing.
A beautiful story indeed. I love how you craft the tale.
First we think it's an innocent citizen running from attackers. Then we realize he's actually an escaped prisoner that has to be put back behind bars. And then again, we see that the reason he went into prison in the first place was because he was falsely accused.
Your story is unpredictable and that's what makes it so interesting.
And i have not mentioned the suspense and intrigue.
This is a good piece, thank you for sharing.
Thank you, buddy. I'm glad you liked it.
If I should start writing tonight, you motivated me to. 🔥😊❤️
Hehe. That's what I live for, motivating others!
C'mon, go for it, brother!
Excellent :) !!! You drew me in and I couldn't stop reading! The story had just enough action, without unnecessary information.
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Thanks for reading, @wrestlingdesires!
I thank you for writing it :)
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Can't say I envy him
But I know I would take a shot at freedom, just like him
Hehe. Of course, his predicament isn't an enviable one, but we all want to be daring like he was.
Thanks for stopping by, Hazem!
Catchy story! It sucked me in... even though I knew he wasn't going to get away! How did I know? By how you described his running at the very beginning! He wasn't off to a very good start! (And this is coming from a certified personal trainer! hahaha!)
Well! Have a wonderful Wednesday and Keep Writing! I want to know what happens next! :)
Thank you for reading, @wil.metcalfe!
I'm impressed that you were able to tell that he wasn't going to make it.
Hello @hillarypowers. What an intense story with lighthearted moments. Intense because the main character is a prisoner attempting to escape. He would have succeeded had it not been for him making a move that was to eventually be the cause for him being recaptured.
The fact that reason that aided his recapture was a nest of termites is the delightful part. An adversary so small as to be his undoing was the delightful part. I wouldn't stop laughing. I was thinking perhaps he'd run into a swarm of bees. But that would have probably kept the authorities from capturing and returning him to prison.
Every prisoner if you ask will tell you they are innocent. It's a programmed response. Never admit guilt unless absolutely necessary.
I enjoyed your story. Thanks for sharing.
He shouldn't have made the attempt to escape, but wait for his jail time to elapse because escaping is not the best option.
You have written a nice story... welldone
Hehe. Yeah, had he known it would turn out to be futile, maybe he wouldn't have attempted the escape.
Thanks for your feedback!