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Dear friend,It's been almost 3 years of this wonderful thing between us. Every day we are waxing stronger and getting better. As I pen down this letter, you lay in bed. It’s 9 in the morning and you are still sleeping. You had just come back from work, where you were trying to save lives. The school bus just rode our kid off to school. I’m brewing your morning tea while waiting for a reply to the mail I sent to my organization this morning about an improved contract.
From the slightly opened door to our room, I could see how well-rested your body lay on the bed, in the pink lingerie I bought for you some time ago. It complements your great body, the one that drew me to you years ago.Our marriage has been a great testimony to the many troubles we fought when we met each other.What drew me to you was how lonely you were. No friend, no guy around you, and it makes me wonder how a beautiful girl like you won’t have anyone around. This makes me want to know you more, to warm your heart as it is cold.When I got close to you, you glued to me. Always checking up, always calling, always disturbing. You are clingy. I once went through my call log and it spread with your name.
Not only that, due to your values, you were keen to know where I was coming from, which made you interested in my past relationship. To be honest from the start, I told you a lot and even exaggerated and that got to you. It made you revert your decision to love me. It was a struggle for you as your mind and heart were divided. Logically I looked like a playboy to you, but your heart loved me deeply.So rather than love, ours turned into love-hate. It was a struggle to see each other go, and rather than come to understand each other, we grew apart and yet couldn’t let each other go.Now I enjoy cooking more than ever, from amala to efo riro, to the new gbegiri that you taught me. I remember we had gender roles issues.
You thought I’m saddled with the traditional African belief where the wife cooks in the kitchen and the husband watches TV in the sitting room. You always think I am shoving my masculinity in your face and trying to see you as the woman I have to conquer. How lovely were our heated arguments in those days when we tried to explain our points to each other, yet its usual end was disaster. My idea of you was that you were looking for a mumu man who would always yield to whatever you want and say. It also made me distrust you when you said you were a feminist.Meeting you has made a lot of wonderful improvements in my values and so many other things.
I remember when I always wanted intimacy with you before we tied the knot, you always talked about delayed gratification.It was a thing I had never practiced in my relationships before I met you, and I didn’t understand. But you taught me that it’s the best practice if we are to achieve a meaningful relationship and one that is God-pleasing. It was a harsh reality for me at first. I always thought you didn’t love me enough because you kept your body away from me.But later, I understood it was for the best. Whenever we had issues, our resolution was to resolve it solely because we loved each other and we wanted to make it work. Not because we were scared of letting go since we had shared our body and soul.This principle was something I applied in other areas of my life. Of not wanting instant gratification in anything I do. Realising that what will last longer needs the work before it pays. Now look at how blissful our marriage has been? With love, Christ, peace of mind and a beautiful kid.When we started out, we always criticized each other and it wasn’t with love. It was with the most condemning form we could find. Though it hurt and it was toxic, I started to see the blind spots of who I am. The way you criticize me makes me look inward and develop the weaknesses you noticed.
Even before we began, I had taken a better form and become a better man.What more can I say, my love? We have fought the bad phase of life and we have become better. We have compromised and have grown in love. We have realised what matters most in love is still love.
Happy anniversary, baby. To a better living and deep in love I pray.
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