I hold every of your secrets; every event that should be hidden, every laughter that cannot be shared, every tear sunken into the pillows, I hold them all.
source
I will flip my pages now to remind you of who you were before the separation, before everything and everyone fell apart.
January, 2001.
Dear Diary,
I do not like my scanty blonde hair, everyone in school calls me pigtails, it is so embarrassing. I asked my mother not to hold my hair into pigtails today, I am 12 for God's sake! But she says I remind her of her younger self. Only, I don't have blue eyes, my eyes are hazel instead. She says that is the only thing I got from my father. I hope she doesn't style my hair like this tomorrow, I'm getting tired of being the laughingstock.
X.O.X.O,
Diane.
I cannot help but smile as you lift your own lips in slight embarrassment, you were just a little girl, I will show you yet another memory.
December, 2001.
Dear Diary,
I am 13 now. Mom says I'm becoming an adult so she finally lets me style my hair however I like. I put some heat in it and left it to fall to the small of my back, that's how Anita Anderson wears hers too.
*Everyone in school now stares at me differently, I have my skirt heaved up to my stomach once I leave the house so my pretty, straight legs can be seen. I also have a lip stain I stole from mom, I apply a little of it every morning and gloss it up. *
This girl is here to slay. Stay tuned.
X O.X.O,
Diane.
At this point, you cannot take your eyes off me. You are flipping my pages frantically, running your eyes along the words and laughing hysterically. You even take your phone out to capture some of my pages. I am glad you still find me useful after all these years.
You soon get to a page where you cover your mouth with your palm. I think you have finally arrived at the beginning.
May, 2005.
Dear Diary,
I have been crowned hottest girl in MacRover High.
The captain of the soccer team, Ernest, is head over heels for me, everyone in school can tell. I am not intrigued by him so I do not regard his flowers or chocolates as important.
The boy who holds my attention is Willy Cormac. He is the most handsome boy in all of MacRover High but he has a girlfriend. I don't care anyway, after all, I am Diane, there is no boy I cannot get to love me.
Watch out.
X.O.X.O,
Diane.
I cannot read the expression on your face after you read this event. This is what led to your mother throwing you out of her house, I still remember how drenched your pillows stayed during this period. Every single night, you would lock yourself up, hold your stomach, and allow the tears you gathered up during the day to flow freely down your eyes.
January, 2006.
Dear Diary,
Stares, I am used to them now.
I rub my itching stomach and lower myself gently onto the hospital bench. I have been having funny pains in my back for some days now, my aunty Sheila who I have been staying with since my mother kicked me out said I should make a complaint to my doctor before something awful happens to the baby.
I do not know if I want to have this baby, he has caused me more harm than good.
I saw Willy Cormac’s girlfriend at the mall a few days ago and she spat at my feet. I had never gotten an opportunity to say how sorry I was for luring her boyfriend that night. It was a good thing his family shipped him over to South Korea immediately after they found out I was with his child.
I have been called into the doctor's office. I will write to you later.
X.O.X.O,
Diane.
I remember that your baby had to be taken out from you almost immediately because you had some complications so you couldn't write to me as promised, but when your baby was born, you shared that joy with me. You called him on that page, a bundle of joy and relief. I am glad you finally have a reason to smile again after all this time.
However, your joy is short-lived because she refuses to come. You think it will be a few months like your aunt says but it goes into a year, 2 years, then 5.
She never sends gifts for his birthdays, never reaches out, never acknowledges that she is his grandmother.
Then your pillows start getting drenched again.
It is not until 11 years later that she sends her first letter, but it is not to ask you to return to the house as you have always dreamt of. It holds a message that completely shatters your heart. Your mother is dying.
I do not like that you fill my pages with blame during this period. You pay less and less attention to your son because you keep blaming yourself for everything that is happening. You do not even find the courage to go and see her until she sends another letter and says she is getting surgery in a week.
She doesn't survive that surgery, I know because you're back at the house packing up her things and planning to sell the building.
I am glad that I can be here for you now that you need this memory, and I am even happier that you made peace with your mother before she passed on. Your son too has begun to collect his thoughts in a diary, I cannot wait to see what life holds in store for him.
It's like a rollercoaster ride of emotions, bad days for Diane in the middle. It shows how one bad decision can badly mess up things.
Well written!!
100% on point. Thank you very much
Welcome!!
Well written story and some decisions can affect the future
You are right, sometimes, we need to look before we leap because some leaps could be fatal. Thank you for reading.
Nice story, a diary holds the memories and timeline of ones life. The bad and good times.
That's right. We can always share the good, the bad, and the ugly with our diaries.
I respond as @agmoore and not as the nkwell here, because my response to your piece is quite strong.
My first reaction is, this girl suffered so for a stupid decision made when she was young. Of course she was vain and selfish when she sought the attentions of the boy in high school. Of course it was wrong for her to try and win him, by having relations with him one night. But, what a penalty she paid.
This is like the Scarlet Letter: the woman pays (in this case, a teenager!) for one misstep. As a woman and as a person I reject that moral judgement. Of all the bad things a woman might do in life, having intercourse with someone is certainly not the worst. And yet, if she carries a child to term, the punishment is severe and lifelong.
As for the structure of your piece. Very brave of you to try this format. I like that courage. I like the originality, the personality you give to a diary.
Reading your piece was an interesting exercise. For me, after a lifetime of reading, that's the best compliment I can give.
Oh my goodness! I won't say I am lost for words because I have a lot to say to you. Thank you so much for this touching feedback on my story. I really appreciate you taking the time to read it carefully and share your perspective.
I'm glad you responded so strongly to the story and the girl's journey. That was exactly my intent - to explore the harsh consequences a young woman can face for a single misstep, even one that was born out of vanity and immaturity rather than malice.
The Scarlet Letter comparison is apt, and I share your rejection of the moral judgment placed on Diane. As you point out, having a child is not the worst thing a woman can do, and yet the price she pays is so steep.
I'm also happy that you enjoyed the structure and format of the piece. Trying something new and original is always a risk, but I felt the diary format allowed me to get inside Diane's head and give her a distinct voice and personality. I'm glad it worked for you as a reader.
Thank you again for your feedback, @agmoore. It means a lot to get such an insightful response from someone with your experience and expertise. Your comments have given me a lot to think about in terms of the themes and messages I was trying to convey. I will carry this experience with me as I continue to hone my craft.
I am honored, inkwell. Thank you so much.
Wow your hair story is amazing. You love hair care since childhood. I am very happy to hear that. Which is a new chapter in the real story of your life. It is hard to wait to see what the savings are for moving on in life. But effort is better than waiting. Whose life will lead to a new struggle to live well. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story. May God always bless you with all abilities.
What a beautifully narrated story. I didn't want Diane's story to end, each line of your writing portrays a clear picture of experiences, struggles, and self discovery, a vivid example of what we pass through in life. I wanted to read more entries of Diane's journey.
I'm so glad you enjoyed Diane's story and felt a strong connection to her journey. Thank you so much
My utmost pleasure dear. Do have a beautiful day.
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I love this write up and I got a bit emotional at some point
I'm grateful that you took the time to share your emotional response with me. Thank you for reading.
You are welcome 😊
In decades to come, she will re-read the diary, and she will probably drench her pillows with tears again. A perfect documentation of an imperfect life.
Great piece.
The mistake of one night can hurt and haunt. Diane had it rough as captured by the diary. I love this style of writing. Awesome!!!
Sorry Diana, sometimes we make bad choices but I hope you heal completely