You are such a skilled storyteller, @generikat. This story carried me along, with its rich details, interesting relationships, and excellent dialog. And the conflict is resolved in such an unexpected way. Beautifully done!
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Awe, thanks @jayna 😊 Your words mean a lot, because honestly, I never feel like I get what's in my head into the out in the way that I wish too. Just gonna keep chipping at it though, you know, that whole practice thing, lol! Hope to see another one of your stories soon, I loved the last one!
That is a challenge we share! Sometimes the writing just can't capture the magical nuances it seems to have when the idea is spawned. Other times what comes out is actually better than what was imagined, though that is much more rare. Someday we'll have a brain chip and won't actually have to write. We'll be able to think our stories and have them appear in living color on the page. Or whatever media society uses in the future!