I enjoyed your story, @saronaspecial. Its unfolding tragedy reminds me of Shakespearean tragedies, where a combination of fate and poor decisions seem to collide to create a terrible and inevitable outcome.
I like the way you interspersed the current moment and the telling of the events that led up to this moment in which it seems all is lost. That's a great technique that can really help to keep a story flowing, without bogging it down in details.
There are a few edits you might want to make, which would improve the story and make it more readable. I find that a final read-through, once I've written my stories, helps me to find those little things I might have missed. Here are a few examples:
The woman is sitting at a wooden country table in Soho London and below the sounds of Brittlefields Food Market flat up, as 7am London life kicks into gear.
What else could I have done? a voice moans in her head and moaning in her head as her forehead banged banged banged on the kitchen table.
Rufus was the canny boy who’d been sent out to help the family business grown.
I hope this feedback helps. And thanks for posting in The Ink Well!
Jayna-this is super helpful feedback. Thank you so much!
Thank you for being open to feedback, @saronaspecial. Remember to be eligible to have your story highlighted in our weekly magazine, you must comment on at least two other writers' stories. Thank you!