I enjoyed your story, @vincric. It's very touching,reading about a family coping with loss. But I was confused in a few places, because the perspective changes.
For example, this part made me wonder who was telling the first part of the story:
His face showed me how sad and depressed he was, understandably. I stood aside so as to not block his view and looked at the same name written on the recent addition to the dead memorial.
< “I’m sorry Tony.” He mumbled sadly. “I only wanted to celebrate your recovery, but I ended up turning it into a tragedy.”
“It was an accident, no one wanted that.” Tony shook his head. “I don’t blame you grandpa, it was hard, trying to accept everything that happened, even now, still I realize I shouldn’t keep feeling sorry for both of us.”
If I understand it correctly, the person visiting the man at the mausoleum in the first part of the story, and who talks to Juan, is Tony. Is that right? Then we discover that Tony died in an accident. So if that is the case, it makes sense when he speaks to his grandfather and gets no response. But then I have two questions:
- How does he communicate with Juan?
- If Tony is telling the first part of the story, why does it say "Tony shook his head" in the second paragraph of the excerpt above?
Anyway, I liked the story! I just got lost in a few of the details.
Oh that, for questions,
Answer to 1: Review the story, did it really seem like they were having a communication, or was Tony one-sidedly talking and vice-versa. The latter is the right one, there are details that point the grandfather doesn't seem to notice Tony's existence, if you look at the overall dialogue between the two you realize they never directly addressed the other person as if even when they were face-to-face.
Answer to 2: that was the biggest hint to mention how the first narrator was already dead, it was still first person, I just added it as a hint, though in hindsight I guess it wasn't necessary...
Ah, the fact that Juan and Tony were not really interacting was so subtle that it was not clear to me. Thanks for the explanation.