Image credit: Elijah Hiett
It was a rule in my family to never walk away when reprimanded by the parents.
I sat on one of the armchairs in our sitting room, pulled my legs to my chest and curled my hands around my knees. I wished the ground would open up so I could hide until my parents stopped talking. My siblings had vanished to their rooms.
"If I'd been told by a stranger that you would date that boy, I would argue vehemently that it's impossible. My daughter would do no such thing!" My Dad's voice rose higher with each word he uttered.
My Mom sat beside him, giving me the side-eye while I simply stared at the muted TV and let the moving images distract me.
"Dad, I'm not a child anymore. I don't understand why you are riled by this situation. I didn't say I will marry him, did I?"
"Are you asking me questions now?"
I quickly shut my mouth and gazed at my toes.
I was twenty and an undergraduate at the university. I met a good-looking, tall man in the social sciences department and immediately liked him. The feeling was mutual. He asked me out and I agreed.
Our relationship spanned over four months when I thought it was time to introduce him to my family. He had introduced me to his over a month ago and they were always happy to see me.
My boyfriend's visit to my house did not go so well when I said, "Dad, Mom, meet my friend Ibrahim Danjuma. He's a student too and majors in estate management."
My parents froze for a long moment. It was obvious they were not ready to accept 'my friend'. He was a Moslem and I was a Christian.
It turned out to be an awkward visit and after Ibrahim left, I faced my parents' wrath.
"But our religious dissimilarities shouldn't matter nor come between us," I argued further.
"You are an adult and I trusted you to make good decisions, one of which should be not to date someone from another religion!"
My Dad's agitation made me a little scared. So I stopped talking so as not to aggravate him further.
I retreated to my room thereafter feeling gloomy. I really liked Ibrahim because he made me laugh and saw me like no other person had. Our feelings were mutual and neither of us cared whether or not we were of the same religion.
Then my Mom opened my door and walked into my room. I stood up, wondering if it was time for the mother-daughter conversation. We usually had those whenever our Dad was done talking to us girls. I was emotionally tired and didn't think I could bear more when my Mom pointed to the water globe on my reading desk.
Ibrahim loved to buy me gifts. On my birthday, he gave me a water globe because I had told him that I would love to own an aquarium someday. This water globe was like a mini fish bowl with a fish that danced anytime I shook the globe. I loved it.
"Did he give you that?" Mom asked. There was no point lying. I nodded.
"You must return it and any other gifts he gave you. Your Dad is not happy about this. If your elder sister had behaved this way, he wouldn't be surprised. But we did not expect this from you."
This speech further broke me down and I promised to return the gifts my boyfriend gave me.
The following day when I took a small box to school and handed it to Ibrahim in his lecture hall, he couldn't believe his eyes. He pushed the box aside and begged me not to end our relationship because of parental pressure. I told him I had to do right by my parents.
Sadness was deeply etched on his beautiful features as he looked inside the box. "Even your water globe? Why, Kemi?"
I had no answer to his question. I turned and walked out of his lecture hall, dejected.
If there was one object I desperately wanted as a keepsake among Ibrahim's gifts to me, it was the water globe.
Every time I saw a water globe or snow globe, I remembered a young love that never budded.
As a piece of writing, this really succeeds. I was caught up in your conflict immediately, and you can see by the responses that readers have an emotional reaction to the essay.
I won't make a judgement about your parents' behavior, or your response. I will say I respect you, and think you showed maturity by bowing to their judgement. Not because the religions are different but because they saw what you only intimate in this piece.
Wasn't that the issue your parents were addressing? Once love blossomed, there would be no turning back. Maybe that would have worked out, but staying in the relationship before it 'budded' was allowing for the real possibility that this would become an enduring, sustained relationship.
That might have been OK, but your parents saw a world of difficulty ahead for you if that was the road you chose.
Young love, and parental responsibility. They don't always mesh.
How do you feel about that today?
Hello, @agmoore. It's a pleasure to read your thoughtful and insightful comment. 😊
This story was one tough scenario in my growing up days that I wished I could erase. However, our experiences shape us into a better version of ourselves, yes? I appreciate your non-judgemental approach and now that I'm older, I understand my parents' concerns.
Young love is pleasant but we don't often look beyond the immediate present and our feelings. My parents foresaw the possibility of a deep and lasting relationship developing, and they were concerned about the potential challenges we might face due to our religious differences. Today, I look back at that time with mixed emotions. It was difficult at the time to let go of a connection that felt special but I respect my parents' intention. If I had held onto the water globe, I might have gone back on my word and sought the young man. Hehe.
Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate your visit. !PIMP
You must be killin' it out here!
@kemmyb just slapped you with 1.000 PIMP, @agmoore.
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I felt a little of the pain and regret you felt back then. I can't imagine how it hurt back then. But do you wonder if the love had budded will it be a good or bad one regardless of the religion? I think, your parent had seen more than you did to kick against the relationship. Now things has changed, we all find love in unexpected places now. Lovely written.
!discovery 43
😄 I often ask myself this question sometimes and honestly, I cannot say whether it would turn out good or bad eventually. One thing I know is, we might butt heads on some decisions due to our religious dissimilarities which is normal in any relationship. I've seen couple in similar situations who make it work.
Well said! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave a meaningful comment. 😊 !LUV
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! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoBeautiful, heartfelt, heartbreaking. I can see your parents' perspective, not from a discriminatory standpoint but from a practical one. It can make it exceptionally challenging to have two very different religions in one household. At twenty, you guys may have just been caught up in the romantic dream, but once the romance settles into real life, the challenges that come from oppositional viewpoints may have made it impossible, especially with the added pressure and drama of family. I do feel for you. It must have been immensely difficult to give him up 😭 I think parents have a duty to their children to share the potential pitfalls with something like this, but should still leave the ultimate decisions up to their adult children to make, and then support them in their choices. A lovely read, Kemmy 💗 !LUV
Oh yes! This was one of their points when we talked that day and it all made sense. Emotions do have a way of clouding our judgement sometimes. Hehe. Thanks so much for this insightful comment. !LUV 😊
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It's sad the beautiful relationship had to end because of religion differences. It sad that her parent won't accept Ibrahim, keeping the water globe would have made her remember him always
Exactly! Thanks so much for reading. 🙂
Wow retuning all his gifts was definitely a tough and courageous decision to make... though I understand your parents point of view, I feel true love goes way beyond difference in religion, infact I do know a few marriages where both belong to different religion, but then I believe our parents are more experienced regardless. But I doubt if i would return those gifts if I were in your shoes I'm a stubborn person lol 😂...I had rather give it to a friend.
Nice write up 👍👍
Indeed, it was. I didn't think at the time that I could pass the gifts to a friend. Thanks so much for reading. 🙂
You are welcome ma'am
What a shame that the relationship did not flourish because of different religions. It should not be like this. If they loved each other so much, it should not have happened this way. What a shame.
You are right. It shouldn't be so but the influence of society can sometimes force us to take a stand on certain issues, including love. Thanks so much for reading. !PIZZA 🙂
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I think religion is an important part of one's life. And it can not be ignored. Your parents saw that, and they wanted the best for you. But, giving back a gift so precious must have been so difficult for you.
Well said. Thanks so much for reading. !PIZZA
Well, I don't think I'd been so transfixed my life. I should think that your parents knew why they did what they did and maybe it's truly a case of "what an elder sees sitting down...." And all of that.
But I hope you're better for it. The last thing is to live perpetually in regret over a single decision. Lots of !luv to you @kemmyb 🌺
Actually, this is one of their adages to me that day and reason I adhered to their warning. Thanks so much for this insightful comment. !LUV 🙂
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! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoThere’s so much emotion and heartfelt regret in this beautifully written piece that it pulls at the heartstrings. It took a great deal of maturity to do what your parents wanted. However, in hindsight you seem to have forgiven them their harsh stance. Wonderful read!
Thank you so much for reading. Your kind feedback is appreciated.
This moment can lead to a lot of what if’s. Anyways I admire your obedience to your parents and the strength it took to end it.
Thanks so much for reading. 🙂
Your welcome 🤗
Awwwwgh!🥺
A beautifully written story filled with emotions that are deeply felt. Your parents got your back though it didn’t make sense at the time. It’s lovely you heeded their advise.💕
Thanks so much for reading. 🙂
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