Two years ago, I would have remembered this and smiled. It used to be such a pleasant memory for me, but now it’s become a memory I would rather forget. Writing this now realizing it’s been a year since my heart got broken, I could remember her words as she broke what was left of my heart, with no guilt at all. I wished she would call, I wished she would have said something, anything at all to make me feel like there was something there. It was hard to take in the reality that someone you sacrifice everything for, someone you were ready to give up anything for would have never moved an inch for you. I would like to say the pain is totally gone, but the cold I feel in my heart remembering our life together makes me say otherwise. It’s no longer a painful experience, but when I look within, I feel I can touch a scar that was created from the pain.
Now that I think about it, I can only blame myself for loving too much and trusting too deep. She was everything I thought I wanted. Her beauty left me breathless, sometimes I couldn’t find the courage to look her in the eye, not that I was scared of her, I was just intrigued by her beauty and that was my biggest mistake. I was in my final year. She had just been transferred to my school for a two year course, It turned out the Nigerian System of education is so wack, that she had to be transferred a day to our examination. She walked into the examination hall without attending any lectures or knowing what was going on in school. As a computer science student, she shared some courses with us who were final year computer engineering students. It wasn’t just any course, it was the hardest programming course in both departments, and I was the only one who had a very good understanding of the course due to my working and programming experience.
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The luck she had was that we were sitting in the same seat because she didn’t even know her coursemates and thus our sitting together was like a match made in heaven even though she was the only one who benefited from it while I lost woefully. Sitting with me, I discovered we were writing the same course, when I asked, I then realized her department and that was how she became my copycat. It was also easy for me to write answers and pass it through her to my other coursemates because I was beginning to worry for them. At the end of the day, we all wrote that exam, with the two of us coming out with an A in that course while a lot of people from both departments came out with AB, B and very few coming out with a C. But that was only the exam result because after the exam everyone just went their separate ways, But this girl made an effort to get my number, and then sent me a thank you message.
This was something I never expected from anyone, I have been helping a lot of people out in exams, and this was the first time someone who was more like a stranger found it necessary to say thank you. It wasn’t my fault that she spoke my love language with an act of service and was able to reach my heart without me realizing it. Two months later we became very close friends, and I decided to tell her how I felt about her. To my surprise she told me she felt the same way, but wasn’t ready for a relationship and a stupid me bought it. I spent the next 7 months trying to impress and it cost me everything I had ever believed in. One of which I believed in was fate and finding a soulmate. I thought with how we met and how far we had come there was something special. Little did I know that I was only a substitute for someone she was really interested in. This realization was what broke me, she never loved me, she just loved how I loved her and hoped the one she loved would love her the same.
THIS IS MY ENTRY INTO THE INKWELL CREATIVE NONFICTION PROMPT #124
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I truly empathize with you because I know how it feels when the genuine love that you have for someone is not reciprocated.
Thanks for stopping by.
I was very mean in the examination hall when I was in college. The missionary school I attended really affected me , everyone already knew that I don't give answers during examination. If you venture to sit with me, just ensure you are prepared enough. I felt bad after graduating because of that character but now your story made me realized that my action saved me from certain disappointments I am not even aware of 😂
Nothing hurts like loving a lady and sacrificing so much for her only to end up discovering she was just using you. Sorry about that experience.
Well You might be right there, my personality won't allow me ignore people during exam. For the lady, the person she was in love with is now married, I can only wish her the best
Oops, won't you give her another chance?
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BEER.Some matches are just for a short time, and for a different purpose entirely. I just empathize with you because of all you spent trying to impress her.
Love can shatter you and can help fix you, sorry about your experience.