I've always known my instincts not to lie. But I was so blinded by love that I was deaf and downright stupid to see the signs.
I remember lying there on my bed on a boring Tuesday afternoon. Bambi had come to visit; it was all fun and beautiful. Until she decided to go make us dinner. I lay there in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about how lucky I was when a notification popped up on Bambi’s Facebook. I'm the type that avoids snooping around her phone, but that day, I was so curious that I checked to see what the notification was.
Turned out to be a chat with her ex.
At first, I didn't want to believe that she was having an affair with her ex again. I told myself it was probably nothing. But the way she laughed at his jokes. The way she used love emojis got me thinking. And then I saw the worst part of it all.
“I miss those times with you. I hope our plans are still intact?”
I felt my head pound. My hands shook as I dropped the phone immediately. I prayed and hoped that I was misinterpreting what I was reading. But the chats were glaring and staring at me.
I had waited for her to finish cooking. Then I confronted her, but instead of her to confess, at least acting guilty, she cried
"I can't believe that after all these years, this is what you think of me, Marri." she sobbed, her voice cracking. “I love you! He was just checking in, and I was being polite.”
I tried to yell. At least a proper explanation of what was going on was all I wanted. But the way she looked so innocent and heartbroken made guilt crawl up my spine. I felt bad for accusing her and blamed myself for not trusting her. I made myself the villain in the story.
Like an ignorant idiot, I called it all balderdash.
I apologized to her for days. Buying different gifts at different times. Just to make up for it.
For a few months, everything seemed to be fine. Our love grew every day, or so I thought.
Until it wasn’t growing anymore.
Bambi started acting weird. She barely picked up my calls or wanted to spend time with me. She'd take hours to reply to my message. Always complaining of being tired or she wasn't in the mood to talk
I tried to understand what was wrong. But she would force a smile and tell me it was nothing.
“I’m just stressed.” She would say.
But I still couldn't let it go that everything was fine. I had this gut feeling about it.
I just wanted to make things right. So we can go back to the way we were before. Just two souls in love.
One evening, I bought a box of costly chocolate and headed to her house. She loved chocolate and I was going to surprise her with one. I was going to surprise the only girl I had ever loved. I felt like the best boyfriend in the world.
I got to her apartment and knocked. Then we waited for her to answer the door. She was taking a long time to answer.
I knocked again and again. I thought she was sleeping. A few seconds later, the door flung open,, and there she was at the door.
"Hey," I greeted.
"What are you doing here? Why didn't you call me before coming?" That was what she asked instead.
"Since when do I have to call before I visit," I asked. I had always visited her place unannounced and she never complained.
I tried to walk in. But she blocked my path. It felt like I was a guest in a house I once owned.
"Fine, I'm sorry. I should have called." I apologized. I was just there to make things right and not fight.
But she still didn't give way for me to enter. Then I saw him, her ex walk to the door. He was shirtless.
For a second, my brain refused to process it. I turned to Bambi, expecting her to explain, to say something, anything.
She sighed, crossing her arms. “Marriot, we need to talk.”
I swallowed hard and found my voice. "I believe I already know what you're about to tell me."
"I'm sorry. I've been meaning to tell you I just didn't have the courage to. I don't think I love you anymore." She exhaled like she had just lifted a burden off her chest. Her words hit hard like a nuclear weapon to my chest.
I held myself. Forced a smile and asked. "So when I accused you months ago, this was what you guys had planned."
"Sort of." She paused. "Look, I don't know how to explain it. But I just found myself losing interest in us ever since he started chatting with me again. Proved to me that I never really stopped loving him." She turned to her ex.
I stared at her. At him. At the chocolates in my hand. Then, without thinking, I threw the entire box at her.
I didn’t cry. I didn’t break down. I didn’t even look back. I just walked out the door, never to return.
That was the day I made a decision not to be in any relationship again until I was ready for marriage. I don't think my heart will be able to love and trust again like I'm used to. I was done with
giving my heart to people who treated it like a joke.
And if again I find myself falling in love with anyone again. It better be with a receipt, witnesses, and maybe a signed affidavit.
Or, never again.
I can only imagine how you felt especially when the signs have always been there but you choose to ignore it. You will heal, it her loose not yours
What a difficult situation you had to live through with your ex-partner. When we surrender to love, we're vulnerable to deception; nothing prepares us for this.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Good day.
Love, sometimes i wonder what its true intentions are. To heal us or break us.