Mary's heart raced as she heard Aunt Jane's booming voice calling her name. She dashed from the kitchen to the sitting room, beads of sweat trickling down her forehead. " I'm here, Ma," she said, struggling to compose herself as she adjusted her clothes to sit properly. Aunt Jane's demand was immediate: "Where's my food?" she roared. Mary pleaded for just five more minutes to finish, but her words faltered under the weight of Aunty Jane's anger.
Mary was a remarkable young woman of 16, blessed with both intelligence and beauty. Her talent in the kitchen was undeniable, but Aunt Jane, her guardian, harbored suspicions fueled by superstition. She forbade Mary from cooking without her supervision, convinced that Mary's abilities were not to be trusted. Aunt Jane's fear stemmed from a belief that Mary possessed supernatural powers, fearing she might bewitch her or capture her husband's attention.
Despite Mary's culinary prowess, Aunty Jane's distrust confined her to the shadows of the kitchen, never allowing her to fully showcase her skills. One evening, Mary's delay in returning home sparked Aunt Jane's wrath, leading to a cruel punishment. Ordered to prepare a time-consuming local dish as penance for her tardiness, Mary labored under the scorching sun, determined to appease her guardian.
Surprisingly, Mary completed the task in record time, stunning Aunty Jane with her efficiency and skill. Even Aunt Jane's husband, who rarely acknowledged Mary's talent, couldn't help but praise her remarkable cooking abilities. His words of encouragement hinted at a brighter future for Mary, but Aunt Jane's envy and insecurity lurked beneath her facade of indifference.
A series of events unfolded, leading to Mary's expulsion from Aunt Jane's home, falsely accused of being a husband snatcher. With tears streaming down her face, Mary gathered her belongings and left, her dreams shattered by unjust accusations. However, a glimmer of hope remained as Aunt Jane's husband offered her support, escorting her back to her parents' home with a gesture of kindness and financial aid.
Despite the setbacks, Mary's spirit remained unbroken. With determination and resilience, she worked tirelessly to secure admission to the university, relying on her own savings and the support of her family. Balancing her studies with a part-time job, Mary persevered, refusing to let adversity dim her aspirations.
One fateful evening, while browsing the university website, Mary stumbled upon a contest flyer that reignited her passion for cooking. Despite financial constraints, she borrowed money from a friend to register, driven by a burning desire to prove herself. However, her attempts to connect with the contest organizers were met with frustration, leading her to abandon hope and refocus on her studies.
Just when Mary's dreams seemed out of reach, a phone call changed everything. Selected to participate in an upcoming cooking contest, Mary's heart soared with renewed hope. On the day of the competition, nerves threatened to overwhelm her as she stood on stage, but she drew strength from her faith and determination.
Different varieties of delicacies of food were on the competition list. Some were the normal native foods while the rest were foreign dishes. She didn't really know much about preparing foreign foods. In fact because of the list she saw, she was willing to withdraw from the competition. But what kept her going was the passion she had for cooking.
The first round of the competition was set and two foreign dishes were on the menu. She gave her best for that round and, luckily, she took second place. Shocked and surprised that she could wrap up something so tasty out of the blue. Her determination increased to give her courage for the next round.
The second round was a bit tough, but she conquered it. And finally got to last round. Scared and naive because she was the one taking the lead in the last round, but backing down was never an option. She prepared all the dishes for that round so confidently, but when she tried to taste the meal she realized, she had made the last dish really salty. This made her really broken.
Scared and discouraged, she thought of withdrawing rather than getting disqualified. As she approached the coordinator for the event to withdraw, she noticed that she still had few minutes to wrap up the last dish. She became her own motivator and started preparing the dish all over again. This time she was very cautious about the salt quantity. Praises flooded her heart as she couldn't stop thanking the Almighty for the grace to taste the dishes before the judges did, or else how could she have notice the salty taste from the dish she made. Immediately she was done cooking. Time was up and it was time for the results to be ready and a winner to be crowned.
As the results were announced, Mary's name resonated through the crowd, crowned the overall winner of the contest. Tears of joy cascaded down her cheeks as she stood before the audience, humbled by her unexpected victory. At that moment, Mary realized that her journey had led her to fulfill her destiny, transcending the limitations imposed by others to become an undeniable star chef.
This is a story of determination and perseverance. Mary was having doubts about her abilities as chef, but under pressure, she showed herself to be resilient. I like that you used cooking as the vehicle to show Mary's character and carry this theme throughout the story.
While I enjoyed the setting and competitive action in the story, I think it could be improved with more specific details that show rather than tell what is happening. This is a tricky thing to do because sometimes it is useful to "tell" the reader what is happening, but in general, it is better to "show" them. There is a really good article written by @jayna that discusses this issue: Writing Tip #5: Is "Show Don't Tell" a Writing Rule?
You have a strong opening paragraph that shows the nature of the characters
This works well because you're showing how the characters interact with each other. The details shown are rich. However, there is no more dialogue after that. Instead, the story unfolds as a series of recounted events without much interaction between characters, except in the broad sense. So, I think you could strengthen the story by showing us the details rather than telling us about them.
I hope this was useful and made sense. Good work!
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